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-Short Attention Span Theater-

65-year-old man trampled by escaped circus elephant

2015-06-15

Berlin -- An escaped circus elephant attacked and killed a 65-year-old German man as he was taking his usual morning walk on Saturday, police said.

So it's true, too much exercise really can kill you...

"Ach! Wo sind meine Lederhosen?"
The female elephant, named Baby, crossed paths with the man around 5:30 am (0330 GMT) and proceeded to attack him as he walked in the town of Buchen in southwest Germany.

"You want a piece of me? DO YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME???"

"Ach! Wo ist mein Elefantenschützengeboomenwaffen?"
An employee from the nearby circus, from which Baby had escaped, was able to calm the elephant and coax her back to the tent.

"It's okay, Baby, that mean old man won't hurt you anymore, c'mon Baby, let's go home now."

"Ach! Ich bin ungetan!"
Animal rights group Peta, cited by German news agency DPA, said Baby had previously injured three other people including a child.
"Ach! Wo ist mein Kind?...Unter den Elefanten?... Nein! Nein!... Ach! Oh, wo ist mir!""

PETA of course disagreed with the subsequent locking of Baby's cage...

Police have opened an inquiry.

"Anyone see who dunnit?"

Posted by:Steve White

#11
Well, if you have to go, it is nice to give people something to talk about.

Posted by: Hupineger Glomomp52169 2015-06-15 15:09

#10 Schiesenhosen?

Posted by: Deacon Blues 2015-06-15 15:08

#9 Elephants don't kill people ...

... actually, yep, this one did.

Posted by: ExtremeModerate 2015-06-15 13:27

#8 I'll bet bringing up baby was interesting.

Posted by: Shipman 2015-06-15 11:27

#7 "Nobody puts Baby in a corner!"

Posted by: Frank G 2015-06-15 11:04

#6 Not to be confused with an Sd. Kfz. 184, aka Elefant, of which a 'domesticated' version resides at the U.S. Army Ordnance Museum. Warning - one can be flattened as well if not careful around said same.

Posted by: Procopius2k 2015-06-15 10:25

#5 The EBGW was just a specially modified panzerfaust with an HE quick warhead instead of the usual shaped charge.

Himmler wasn't a very good shot so the EBGW was a ego saver on safaris and zoos full of Jewish Elephants.

Posted by: Sock Puppet al Doomi 2015-06-15 05:23

#4 Elefanten, warum hassen sie uns?

Posted by: BrerRabbit 2015-06-15 05:22

#3 Y'all killing me. Herewith, a few lines written in commemoration of the late tragedy in Nepal (er, the other late tragedy), set aside at the time as unworthy, published now in humble submission to the manifest will of Fate or Fred:

"Oh! Namaste! How do you do?
I'm sorry I trampled on you!
The Purkinje effect
Makes red hard to detect;
In twilight all Comrades look blue."

Posted by: Zenobia Floger6220 2015-06-15 01:44

#2 Actually it is a Elefantenboomengeschutzenwaffen...

Or EBGW for short. The SS had a bunch of them and you can occasionally find one on ebay.

Posted by: Sock Puppet al Doomi 2015-06-15 01:20

#1 When there is an elephant with your name on it, there's nothing you can do.

Posted by: SteveS 2015-06-15 00:33

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