[NYPost] Fears are growing for the safety of North Korea's first lady, who has vanished from public view for the past seven months.Cut the crap already. We all know that Kim Jong Nom ate her.
Ri Sol-ju is thought to have tied the knot with her food-loving fella Kim Jong Un in 2009 and soon after she gave birth to his child and heir to the hermit state.
Sporting designer clothes and pricey handbags, she has since appeared alongside her hubby as he tours factories and theme parks.
But now the slim and attractive spouse has vanished from public view after last being seen at a sporting event in March.
Right after Kim was heard to roar "Bring me a snack!"
North Korea observers fear she could have fallen foul of her despotic husband or incurred the wrath of his equally menacing sister, Kim Yo Jong.
Fear? Really? That bi+ch had his ex-girlfriend executed. She probably ate her liver.
Experts believe Yo Jong is the power behind the throne and is even more deadly than her brother.
Not when he's hungry, of course.
One North Korea watcher told Yonhap News Agency: "Ri showed up at public events every two months last year but has not appeared in public for over seven months this year.
Check the refrigerator.
"That's quite extraordinary.
You're right. Being that skinny, she couldn't have survived that long around His Rotunditude's appetite even with refrigeration.
"Some sources speculate Ri's disappearance may be linked to a check on her activities by Kim's younger sister Kim Yo Jong."
She probably sneaked down to the refrigerator one night and deprived him of a slice of his birthday cake.
Concern is also mounting for Kim's wife because of the gruesome fate of people who cross the loony leader.
Or glance at his dinner.
In August, it emerged he had executed one of North Korea's top officials with an anti-aircraft gun after the man fell asleep in a meeting.
Note to self: Don't do that again.
In December 2013, North Korean state media announced the execution of Jang Sung-taek, the uncle by marriage of Kim Jong Un.
By feeding him to the dogs. Which gave Kim an idea . . . .
According to a South Korean newspaper, Jang's nephew, O Sang-hon, was also executed by being burned alive with a flame thrower.
In Kim's inner circle it's called a barbeque.
In 2007, a factory chief convicted of making international phone calls was executed by firing squad in front of a crowd of 150,000.
Trying to order some A-1 sauce because they couldn't figure out how to make it?
It's reported that six people were killed in the rush as spectators left the stadium that hosted the execution.
Bonus!
North Korean craziness knows no ends -- as a satellite image of one of Kim's motorways proves. As revealed by Sun Online, a £200 million ($243 million), 3-kilometer (1.8-mile) bridge from the Chinese border city of Dandong ends suddenly when it reaches the North Korean side -- proving the nutty nation really is a dead end.
Sorry, Kimmie thought it was cake.