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| Tim Blair: RUSSIAN INTERVENTION EXPOSED |
| 2016-12-27 |
| h/t Instapundit Did the Russians really rig the 2016 US election? You bet they did! Secret documents recently discovered in a bin behind a Kremlin-district 24-hour cabbage and tobacco store reveal for the first time the devious extent of Russian interference. These plans were decades in the making. Read on, as never-before-seen communiques between Russian agents Sergei Potrov and Dimitri Bienko outline the wicked plot ‐ beginning in 1947, on the day of Hillary Clinton’s birth: Dearest Dimitri I am pleased to report that phase one of Operation Cankles is total success! Soviet implantation of stupid American woman resulted in birth today of hefty girl-child destined to be unelectable candidate 70 years from now. Child is basically just ankles and head, similar to sturdy and hard-working female stock from adored Ilmensky Mountains. In decadent America, nobody will ever vote for such a noble being. Yours in Soviet solidarity, Sergei ...During the mid-70s, the Russians toast a mission-advancing coup: It is not to be believed! Hillary is getting married ‐ to a man! You owe me 50 rubles, Dimitri. The fellow is Bill, called by friends ’horn dog’, ’el squeezo’ and ’the Arkansas assman’. He is very political. All his girlfriends say so. By ’all his girlfriends’, I mean whole female population of Little Rock. He go through them like great winter purge of traitor generals. This can only assist our mission. Perhaps this Bill will even make it to the White House, if he can keep it in his pants for long enough (is phrase I pick up here). Yours in jubilation, Sergei Even tectonic global changes could not sway Agents Potrov and Bienko from their cause: Dearest Sergei, Alas, our beloved Soviet Union is no more. Gorbachev has ruined everything. Please do not give up on Operation Cankles. It may prove to be the final major accomplishment of our great land and heroic peoples. In other news, our budget has been slightly trimmed. Suggest you monitor Hillary from American streets, where lucrative sign-holding job will provide cover and help pay rent. Yours in Glasnost, Dimitri Finally, on November 8, 2016, Sergei’s long mission comes to a victorious conclusion ‐ on the veteran agent’s 94th birthday: Dearest Dimitri, I know you have been dead ten years already, but I write to you for fondness and memories. Great friend, it is done. All that we have worked for, all that we have planned, all that we have dreamed. Our unelectable candidate was truly unelectable. Even the other patients here in the home did not vote for her. One voted for Eisenhower. My time is not long, Dimitri. Soon I shall see you again, in the heaven that is a frozen-solid Siberian grave. We will rest in honour. Our work on this earth is complete. Yours in espionage, Sergei |
| Posted by:g(r)omgoru |
| #1 nice piece of satire notice we haven't heard the "russia did it" absurdity since the electoral college vote? wonder why |
| Posted by: anon1 2016-12-27 21:15 |