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-Short Attention Span Theater-
Babylon Bee - Enhanced Footage Of Memorial Service Reveals Hillary Clinton Was Actually Reciting Ancient Ritual To Summon Cthulhu From His Slumber
2018-12-07
[Babylon Bee] Satire, for the dense WASHINGTON, D.C.‐It may have looked like Hillary Clinton was reciting the Apostles' Creed along with the rest of those gathered at yesterday's memorial service for George H.W. Bush‐Trump and his wife excepted. But the truth appears to be far more sinister: enhanced, slowed-down, zoomed-in footage of the event revealed that Clinton was actually reciting an ancient cultic ritual to raise ancient god Cthulhu from his slumber.

As others around her dutifully cited the Apostles' Creed, Clinton's eyes glazed over in a trance. Her voice took on a cold, eldritch quality, "at least more than usual," according to witnesses. "Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!" she began, as others in her pew shifted uncomfortably. "Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!"

According to scholars, the phrase roughly translates as "In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming."

The doors of the church burst wide open. A frigid wind blasted the congregation as Clinton chanted louder and louder, approaching the front of the church: "Cthulhu fhtagn! Cthulhu fhtagn!" CTHULHU FHTAGN!"
Posted by:Besoeker

#4  She was bored and wanted someone she could talk to.
Posted by: gorb   2018-12-07 21:08  

#3  Babylon Bee is quickly becoming a national treasure.
Posted by: rjschwarz   2018-12-07 11:44  

#2  Can you blame him? I mean, even Unnameable Evil has its limits.
Posted by: SteveS   2018-12-07 11:04  

#1  He ran away in horror at the site of Hillary and begged to be reburied and sealed up the end!
Posted by: Jack Chaiter7913   2018-12-07 10:08  

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