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Home Front: Culture Wars
Gillette Now Including Free Manly Side Bag With Every Purchase
2019-01-16
[Babylon Bee] BOSTON, MA‐As part of its new ad campaign designed to target a new, more sensitive American male, Gillette announced Tuesday that the company will be giving out a free manly pink side bag with every purchase while supplies last.

The bag will reportedly contain a copy of The Feminine Mystique and instructions on how to treat any toxic masculinity you may have come down with. To get the free bag, you must spend at least $20 on a Gillette razor or other hygienic product and mail in your man card to the company.

"We want to appeal to the modern man," Gillette spokesperson Beau Petite said. "So we're offering this extremely manly, attractive side bag for a limited time if you buy one of our really manly razor products." Petite said the side bags have many great uses. "You can store a little concealer or blush for an afternoon touch-up, your coin purse, a pair of spherical objects. Whatever you want."

Gillette's promotion reportedly launched with a whimper, as few men wanted the "manly side bags" for some reason. The company has said it is regrouping and considering offering a free man bun hair tie with every purchase instead.
Posted by:Besoeker

#21  Let me guess, to get your bag you have to turn in your scrotum:p
Posted by: Silentbrick   2019-01-16 23:20  

#20  "Unmannerly men must be shunned,
De-platformed and nut-shamed, outgunned,
You cis-male barbarian!"
- Ana Kasparian, Turkish Amerikan Bund
Posted by: Slort Spawn of the Chinese6659   2019-01-16 22:46  

#19  Should have stuck to philosophy; her directing and storyline is awful.

Like a door to door salesman trying to sell me expensive ok razors by telling me I'm not folding the towels correctly.
Posted by: swksvolFF   2019-01-16 21:42  

#18  "The guy at the ad agency" is actually philosophically unpleasant feminist Kim Gehrig.

Posted by: Anomalous Sources   2019-01-16 19:58  

#17  I'm sure Gillette sells a lot of products to the ladies but they are courting the unshaven segment of the ladies which seems silly.
Posted by: rjschwarz   2019-01-16 15:09  

#16  There are a number of very serious technical reasons why this rebranding is so bad, only a graduate of Harvard would come up with it.

One of which I mentioned, sponsoring a football stadium for the Patriots, a team notorious for the very storyline the razor advertisers rail against and right before the second biggest game of the season.

And in direct conflict with the recent, previous campaign of being the working man's razor, the Boston tradition, side crapping on Boston as well.

I'll try to get to the technical flubbary later, like the pre-pubescent boys hanging out on the small couch together, staring at the TV like Cinemax is still scrambled on Saturday night, and the laziness of blatant racism unseen since The Phantom Menace.
Posted by: swksvolFF   2019-01-16 14:34  

#15  The most perverse poor man in Babylon
Once happened to capture a leprechaun:
"First, fatten my purse.
Make everything worse."
"And?" "Endless clay tablets to write upon."
Posted by: Whusorong Glosing6289   2019-01-16 13:46  

#14  Seen elsewhere:

Jillette
Posted by: swksvolFF   2019-01-16 13:13  

#13  ...really, Harvard? At Harvard they'll blame the neolithic white male population for the failure rather than the 'geniuses' who cooked this up. Maybe the Booth School of Business at University of Chicago, unless they have sunk to the PC morass as well.
Posted by: Procopius2k   2019-01-16 11:47  

#12  Proctor & Gamble

To quote a long-ago company executive’s business card, “It’s -er, dammit!” The -or ending goes to Proctor Silex. ;-)

Beyond that, I suspect this will become another of Harvard Business School’s famous case studies.
Posted by: trailing wife   2019-01-16 10:23  

#11  Kinda pissed that my Gillette shipment didn’t come with the tampons promised.
Posted by: Jack Salami    2019-01-16 09:39  

#10  I always wanted to get in touch with my feminine side - I haven't got laid in weeks!
Posted by: Raj   2019-01-16 09:11  

#9  When Brady retires from the Pats, they could pick up Manning.

Bradley Manning.
Posted by: swksvolFF   2019-01-16 09:04  

#8  Don't they have a football stadium to un-sponsor?
Posted by: swksvolFF   2019-01-16 09:03  

#7  Thanks Spats! Amazon is offering free delivery.
Posted by: Besoeker   2019-01-16 09:01  

#6  Included in every Manly Side Bag is a bonus pack of Tampax brand nick absorbers.
Posted by: Spats B. Hayes3241   2019-01-16 09:00  

#5  Satire, Herb.
Posted by: Mullah Richard   2019-01-16 08:08  

#4  Feminists everywhere running to get theirs.
Posted by: gorb   2019-01-16 07:46  

#3  This offer may not last. Let me get my blades and 'free manly pink side bag' before you short them Ed.
Posted by: Besoeker   2019-01-16 07:21  

#2  Time to go short on Proctor & Gamble. They're done.
Posted by: ed in texas   2019-01-16 07:10  

#1  ...At this rate, I expect King Gillette his own self to come back to their corporate headquarters swinging a razor strop...

Mike
Posted by: Mike Kozlowski   2019-01-16 04:54  

00:00