[DAWN] ISLAMABAD: A teenage girl was found dead under unexplained circumstances and the police have registered a murder case on suspicion.I love these stories that tell us absolutely nothing. I think of it as the "Nic Robertson" school of journalism.
The family of the girl brought the body of the 18-year-old girl to a hospital and told the staff that she had did away with herself.
Poor thing hanged herself, did she? Or jumped off a tall building? Guzzled rat poison? Ate a suspicious cheese?
The hospital staff informed the police who reached the spot and inquired the matter and found it suspicious, said the police. The victim had three bullet injuries to her head and chest.
A corpse with three bullet wounds to her head and chest? An obvious suicide. Us brilliant criminal investigators see that sort of stuff all the time.
The police took the body into custody for legal action after the family members, including the mother and a sister of the dear departed, failed to give satisfactory answers to the police queries.
"How did she shoot herself three times in the head and/or chest, madame? Usually they stop after only one!"
"She was a very determined girl, Inspector Legume. Ask any of the neighbors!"
The police later visited the house of the victim and conducted a preliminary investigation. The incident took place in a locality where water buffaloes were being kept.
Damn those water buffaloes! Every time you turn around, they're going on killing sprees!
A search was conducted for the weapon but it was not found at the spot or its surrounding. It also transpired that the family did not own or keep any weapon.
"Nope. Got nothin' but the family pistol, and we loaned that to uncle Mahmoud a few days ago."
The family of the dear departed told the police that they heard sounds of gunshots and found the girl injured.
"So of course we thought she done away with herself and then hid the gun. They do that all the time, you know!"
After an autopsy, the body was handed over to the family for burial.
"What do you think, Doctor Quincy?"
"I think she's dead, Sam, but I'm not sure the deceased identified as a girl!"
The police said the father of the girl lived in Soddy Arabia
...a kingdom taking up the bulk of the Arabian peninsula. Its primary economic activity involves exporting oil and soaking Islamic rubes on the annual hajj pilgrimage. The country supports a large number of princes in whatcha might call princely splendor. When the oil runs out the rest of the world is going to kick sand in the Soddy national face...
in connection with his job.
So he's probably not a suspect.