#5 In recent news, Gibson's Bakery announced an end to their much derided "Chase and Detain" policy for shoplifting. They have partnered with a Chinese firm specializing in organ transplants to help supplement their new police of "Kill it, Harvest it, and loot it." They now say any shoplifters will be shot, harvested for their organs and then their pockets rifled through in search of any extra cash.
When asked if the new policy was 'insensitive' to minorities or college student, Gibson's representative proudly stated that it sensitive to everyone's needs. People in need get the desperately required organs, their "Shoplift Servicing Agents" get whatever spare change and a 5% cut of any organ sales and the store gets a nifty new pyramid of skulls to display in the front window. When pressed about the shoplifters, the Gibson's Rep merely laughed and says, "They should be proud to be used in such an environmentally friendly action. We're recycling in a new frontier. Besides, it's not as if they were humans. They're just non-viable tissue masses."
/Sarcasm.....but I can dream. |