[Babylon Bee] U.S.‐Democratic National Committee spokesperson Michael Tyler announced Thursday that all candidates who run in the 2020 presidential election as Democrats will completely forego armed security for the entirety of their campaigns, in a clear and bold stance against gun violence in America."We’ve talked to all possible candidates and everyone has agreed. Gun violence is a huge issue in our country, and guns are the problem. So whoever runs for president as a Democrat in 2020‐be it Bernie, Biden, Elizabeth Warren, Kamala Harris, Jerry Brown, and/or whoever else throws their hat in the ring‐they will steadfastly refuse to employ security teams who carry scary firearms."
Tyler further confirmed that if a Democrat wins the White House in 2020, their first order of business will be to disarm the Secret Service. Asked how the president would then be kept safe, Tyler revealed that they plan on introducing a gun-free zone encompassing a 500-yard radius around the president at all times.
"Problem solved," he said.