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Struggling Biden Campaign Now Offering One Month Of Free AOL For Rally Attendance |
2020-02-16 |
[Babylon Bee] Joe Biden's campaign is struggling to motivate younger voters, but he has a plan: offering free AOL trials to anyone who shows up to his rallies. "Come on by, say hi to uncle Joe, and grab one of our free AOL CDs," Biden says in an ad for his campaign tour. "You know, the great thing about AOL is that you get so many hours of internets. Only squares use Compuserve, Prodigy, or MSN. We're keen on America Online!" "Gee, your hair smells terrific!" The campaign has warned that it's first come, first served, so you'd better hurry if you want to experience the lightning-fast speeds of AOL's 56K dial-up service. "I love America Online," Biden continued as he booted up his Windows 98 PC. "Every time I hear that grinding, beeping sound while trying to get on the internet, I just know that I'm about to experience the world wide web at a rate of one web page per hour." His wife then screamed at him to get off the computer as she was expecting a call. "Well, I'd better go," Biden said, chuckling. "But remember, for the fastest interwebs in town, come see Uncle Joe. You won't regret it -- probably." Rally attendees will receive their choice of a CD or 3.5" floppy disk good for a free trial of AOL dial-up service. Joe will then say hi and shake their hands "and maybe more if you're lucky." *Sniff* |
Posted by:Frank G |
#11 #9 I still carry a cigarette pack size 56k modem in my "bag o tricks." It's fun asking kids to guess what it is. Well, son of a bitch! That's a really big f---in' deal! |
Posted by: Papa Plugz 2020-02-16 15:34 |
#10 When hollywood made and entire movie using big names based solely on the novelty of receiving an electric message. |
Posted by: swksvolFF 2020-02-16 14:48 |
#9 I still carry a cigarette pack size 56k modem in my "bag o tricks." It's fun asking kids to guess what it is. |
Posted by: M. Murcek 2020-02-16 13:29 |
#8 I still remember my awakening to a broader world when I bought a Novation Cat modem. 300 bits per second on a good day? It was like stepping above the top of an endless sea of grass, and seeing for the first time a (very) few other heads, also peering around, looking at a new world. Heady times, '78 or '79 maybe, on an Ohio Scientific computer. Now, 975 Mbps, and common. |
Posted by: Whiskey Mike 2020-02-16 12:25 |
#7 He needs to offer a 56Kbaud modem to attendees |
Posted by: Bright Pebbles 2020-02-16 12:04 |
#6 So he got rid of his Apple 11e ? |
Posted by: crazyhorse 2020-02-16 10:30 |
#5 AOL for a month to attend your rally. Piker. It's not worth it. How about some of that real Biden boodle from Ukraine or China? |
Posted by: JohnQC 2020-02-16 09:16 |
#4 Nailed you this time Bee. Better luck next time. |
Posted by: JohnQC 2020-02-16 09:11 |
#3 "Gee, your hair smells terrific!" Snark O' The |
Posted by: Lex 2020-02-16 01:08 |
#2 Bullshit broadcasting system |
Posted by: M. Murcek 2020-02-16 00:52 |
#1 Joe's the admin for his own BBS! So you know he can run America! |
Posted by: charger 2020-02-16 00:35 |