[Babylon Bee] HARTFORD, CT‐Local high school track runner Vanessa Vogel was excited for her track meet this past weekend, having trained many months for her shot at a record and possibly a college scholarship.But when Vogel lined up and saw a brave runner with a beard from a nearby high school, she started to doubt her ability to compete.
"You know, I have a bad feeling about this," she muttered as she lined up for the 800-meter dash. "I'm just not sure I can take this girl."
Sure enough, she was blown out despite setting her personal best.
"I just don't know if that was entirely fair," she commented afterward. "I'm all for equality and stuff, but I dunno -- the beard might have given her an advantage."
Vogel has been suspended pending an investigation into her bigotry.