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Olde Tyme Religion
Texas televangelist says he can BLOW the coronavirus away with 'the wind of God' during a sermon while worshippers across the country defy stay-at-home orders to attend Palm Sunday services
2020-04-06
[MAIL] Televangelist Kenneth Copeland has appeared in a bizarre video where he reveals the cure for the coronavirus is to simply 'blow it away.'

The 83-year-old Texas pastor who is estimated to be worth $760 million released the short prayer on video.

In it he explains how warm winds and heat and 'blowing the virus away' will bring a timely end to the pandemic.

'Wind! Almighty! Strong! South wind! Heat! Burn this thing! In the name of Jesus,' Copeland yells into the camera.

'Satan bow your knees. Fall on your face!' Copland continues.
Posted by:Skidmark

#20  This Nicholas was risen for to pisse,
And thoghte he wolde amenden al the Iape,
He sholde kisse his ers er that he scape.

And up the windowe dide he hastily,
And out his ers he putteth prively
Over the buttok, to the haunche-bon;
And ther-with spak this clerk, this Absolon,
'Spek, swete brid, I noot nat wher thou art.'

This Nicholas anon leet flee a fart,
As greet as it had been a thonder-dent,
That with the strook he was almost y-blent;
And he was redy with his iren hoot,
And Nicholas amidde the ers he smoot.

Of gooth the skin an hande-brede aboute,
The hole culter brende so his toute,
And for the smert he wende for to dye.
As he were wood, for wo he gan to crye--
Help! water! water! help, for goddes herte!'

This works best when declaimed in a broad accent, while sitting in front of the fire with a few flasks of ale and a lot of encouraging laughter.
Posted by: KBK   2020-04-06 20:10  

#19  And so he opened window hastily,(615)

And put his arse out thereat, quietly,

Over the buttocks, showing the whole bum;

And thereto said this clerk, this Absalom,

“O speak, sweet bird, I know not where thou art.”

This Nicholas just then let fly a fart(620)

As loud as it had been a thunder-clap,

And well-nigh blinded Absalom, poor chap;

---The Miller's Tale, Canterbury Tales, Geoffery Chaucer

Posted by: Alaska Paul   2020-04-06 17:24  

#18  And a Mighty Wind it was...

"Got wind, Wally?"
Posted by: JHH   2020-04-06 16:56  

#17  ^ depends on which orifice it originates from
Posted by: Lex   2020-04-06 12:36  

#16  Can Wind of G*d stop a bullet? Asking for a friend.
Posted by: g(r)omgoru   2020-04-06 12:31  

#15  Westboro folks are probably hiding in a bunker right now worried someone with the virus will come visiting to spread it, or go out in a blaze of glory or something.
Posted by: rjschwarz   2020-04-06 12:05  

#14  I assume they did a lot of enthusiastic singing, so watch the maps for a hot spot here in about four days.
Posted by: KBK   2020-04-06 11:29  

#13  The 83-year-old Texas pastor who is estimated to be worth $760 million?

I might look into the Bible-thumping reverend business--seems to be lucrative.
Posted by: JohnQC   2020-04-06 10:33  

#12  Surprised we haven't heard from the Westboro Baptist Church lately. They were the media's darling for quite a while.
Posted by: Mullah Richard   2020-04-06 10:19  

#11  Romans 13:1-2 says: "Obey the government, for God is the One who has put it there."

Apparently God is still into giving humanity plagues then.
Posted by: DarthVader   2020-04-06 09:50  

#10  No noticeable change here. Copeland has long been a nut wagon.
Posted by: Besoeker   2020-04-06 09:22  

#9  The guy is a nut and his followers will soon be sick and/or carriers.
Posted by: ruprecht   2020-04-06 09:06  

#8  Probably a better plan than Fauci's.
Posted by: gorb   2020-04-06 07:30  

#7  Luke 4:12
Posted by: Procopius2k   2020-04-06 07:05  

#6  Matthew 6:6
Posted by: Procopius2k   2020-04-06 07:04  

#5  Israel seems to have a wiser approach.
Posted by: European Conservative   2020-04-06 05:58  

#4  Saw the vid. He says he's a prophet ?!

Copeland: In the name of Jesus I pronounce judgement on you, Covid19 and Satan !

Covid19: Jesus I know, and satan I know... who the fuck are you ?
Posted by: Dron66046   2020-04-06 04:39  

#3  
Just saw his photograph. If I met this Kenneth Copeland in a dark alley, I'd try to ward him off with a crucifix. Gawd !
Posted by: Dron66046   2020-04-06 04:08  

#2  Lets make fun of Iranians licking the shrine.
Posted by: g(r)omgoru   2020-04-06 03:19  

#1  Romans 13:1-2 says: "Obey the government, for God is the One who has put it there."
Posted by: Besoeker   2020-04-06 03:10  

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