[Babylon Bee] WASHINGTON D.C.—As states like Georgia move to change voting laws, Democrats are pushing a federal voting law, HR 1, to take over voting in all states and counteract such moves. And as they promote the law, Democrats have a dire warning: If HR 1 isn’t passed, Republicans could sometimes win elections."If we don’t radically change voting laws," Senator Chuck Schumer told the press, "we could have horrible outcomes to elections in which Republicans sometimes win. We Democrats, along with journalists, have explained over and over to the American people that Republicans are bad and Democrats are smart and good, and yet Republicans keep sometimes winning. Obviously, something bad is going on there, and it must be stopped."
HR 1 will help stop Republicans from winning by allowing more mail-in voting and other methods that will allow Democrats to stall voting counts for weeks to "find" more votes when needed. It will also make voting so easy that it will ensure the enfranchisement of Democrats’ most reliably loyal group: foreign terrorists who hate America and want to destroy it.
If the bill passes, Democrats assure people that something like President Trump winning -- or any other Republican winning -- will never happen again. There are some concerns that the bill could be ruled unconstitutional, but Democrats say that would only happen if people interpret the Constitution as "some sort of document with words that actually mean things."