| Submit your comments on this article |
| -Great Cultural Revolution |
| For His Safety, Lifeguard Waits An Hour For Backup Before Jumping In To Save Struggling Swimmer |
| 2022-05-28 |
| [Babylon Bee] SAN FERNANDO, CA—A lifeguard at the San Fernando Community Pool reportedly refused to jump in and save a drowning child who was fighting for his life in 6 feet of water because it would constitute risking his life. The lifeguard in question, Peter Stroll, claimed to be following standard lifeguarding procedure. "I just ate a sandwich. One hour is required" "Are you kidding? I can't save you right now. I might drown!" said Stroll as he picked up the phone to call for help. "According to the procedure, I will block all access to the pool and call for highly trained Coast Guard rescue divers to arrive." The child's father attempted to jump into the pool and save his kid but was prevented by the determined lifeguard. "Sir, I can't let you risk your own life. Let me do my job!" Stroll reportedly said in between whistle blows. "Then do your job! Save him!" pleaded the parent. "Sir, please. It's a liability for me to risk my life. Do you know how much the city would have to pay my family? Hundreds of dollars!" The child was eventually rescued when a group of parents overpowered the masculine lifeguard and braved the dangerous chlorinated waters. Authorities arrived on the scene shortly after to assess the child's health and arrest everyone who tried to save the child. "This is a pool of law and order!" Sheriff Witherdrew told reporters at the scene. "We can't just have people bypassing our sacred lifeguard institutions to take rescues into their own hands. Millions could be saved! It'd be total anarchy!" At publishing time, lifeguard Peter Stroll was awarded a key to the city by Mayor Rankowicz for extreme bravery in following procedure to keep the city free of liability. |
| Posted by:Besoeker |
| #4 Its a wall with windows, not a bastion, so what are we doing to make shooter uncomfortable, or are we just waiting on the FBI to show up and shut off the power? Anyone think about cutting the power and having a fire truck on 150% foam hit the exterior windows, or is that not the right pronoun? Start clanking those keys behind shields with NVG for breech when the water starts, have a couple dudes bang the windows with hammer? |
| Posted by: swksvolFF 2022-05-28 15:06 |
| #3 Not sure if official, official or not: BNO Twitter Well, dunno, read it again. If info is true, am I seeing they had shooter trapped within 7 minutes of vehicle crash? RO is on scene but misidentifies target? Sounds like doors which auto-lock to the outside when closed? Are 111 and 112 suites? If so, how or does the common door lock? Looks like the bloc in question would be 11:35 trap to 12:50 breach after getting keys from janitor? What is the key setup and why didn't RO have key(s)? -or- they had the key, but waited until 12:50 to breech? |
| Posted by: swksvolFF 2022-05-28 14:44 |
| #2 Beso, BNO has a timeline released. Looks like shit. |
| Posted by: swksvolFF 2022-05-28 13:56 |
| #1 Thank you Mr. B. & BB Satire of a repeated problem at it finest. |
| Posted by: NN2N1 2022-05-28 10:38 |