[Babylon Bee] Wondering why people actually still vote for Democrats? Believe it or not, there are still Democrat voters out there and we've compiled their top reasons for doing so!1. They're dead: Hard to object to candidates like Joe Biden when you are no longer alive!
2, They're Drag Queens worried about losing their God-given right to dance in underwear in front of kids: It's in The Constitution.
3, Because Bono said that's what good people do: Listening to U2 was their first mistake.
4. Still holding out for one of those free Obama phones: An iPhone 6! NICE!
5, To convince others that they aren't Christian Nationalists: They're one of the "good" Christians.
6. They live in Chicago and a stray bullet punched right through the "D" side of the ballot: It happens far too often.
7. Their covid booster made them do it: Once the signal gets sent out, they have no other choice.
8. They think elections are like golf and the lowest score wins: Elections are not, in fact, like golf where the lowest amount wins.
9. Their mail-in ballot was already filled out in permanent marker: Now that's strange! Mail-in voting is the most secure kind of voting!
10. Government spending and taxes make them feel all warm and fuzzy inside: As if we know how to spend our own money. The government knows best!
Now we didn't say these are good reasons, but now you know the top reasons why Democrats manage to still get votes.