Cheaper than a 12-pack of Bud Light
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| Government Corruption |
| FBI Seizes Jaiden's Backpack In Predawn Raid |
| 2023-09-01 |
| [BEE] COLORADO SPRINGS, CO — A quiet community was thrown into chaos in the early hours of Wednesday morning, as a tactical team from the Federal Bureau of Investigation staged a pre-dawn raid at the home of 6th-grader Jaiden Rodriguez. Reports indicated the boy's backpack, which has a Gadsden flag patch, was seized in the raid. "We have secured a highly dangerous item," said FBI spokesperson Chad Rookstool. "There was an anonymous tip from a concerned citizen in the area who reported a young man at this residence was in possession of a backpack that posed a threat to democracy itself. That threat has now been neutralized." Controversy erupted on social media yesterday after it was learned Jaiden had been sent home from school for wearing his backpack, with faculty believing the Gadsden flag was a sign of Jaiden plotting a coup to overthrow the U.S. government. "Thank God it's been addressed by the authorities," said frightened schoolteacher Stephanie Dean. "That backpack was just out in public, threatening the lives of everyone who saw it. Democracy is once again safe." School officials advised Jaiden to find a new, less-threatening backpack before returning to school. "He can choose from Pride patches, BLM patches, even a sickle and hammer patch," a member of the school's administrative staff explained. "However, a backpack displaying an important image from American history has no business at an American school." At publishing time, Jaiden was reportedly prepared to return to class with his new, bright red "Make America Great Again" backpack. |
| Posted by:Besoeker |
| #14 Can't we all come together as Americans and agree on the need for a transparent bulletproof backpack moonshot? |
| Posted by: Ebbavick Henbane2579 2023-09-01 20:50 |
| #13 Much more polite than bird shit. |
| Posted by: swksvolFF 2023-09-01 17:17 |
| #12 Rookstool: little specks on a chess board. |
| Posted by: Black Charlie Bonaparte9945 2023-09-01 15:40 |
| #11 Rookstool would mean something different in English than Swiss/German. |
| Posted by: swksvolFF 2023-09-01 13:47 |
| #10 It occurred to me that the combination of the words "rook" and "stool" could be construed to mean something rather unpleasant but, apparently, it's a real name. |
| Posted by: Abu Uluque 2023-09-01 12:57 |
| #9 It's a sad commentary when you have to look twice to be sure it's the Babylon Bee. |
| Posted by: Tom 2023-09-01 12:36 |
| #8 Cheaper than a 12-pack of Bud Light |
| Posted by: Skidmark 2023-09-01 12:31 |
| #7 Got me! Too close to real. |
| Posted by: 49 Pan 2023-09-01 12:02 |
| #6 $1 to the tip jar for me. "When parody becomes reality" |
| Posted by: Mullah Richard 2023-09-01 08:20 |
| #5 Thx Frank. |
| Posted by: Besoeker 2023-09-01 06:45 |
| #4 #1 - Yep. Moved. Bee goes in Opinion |
| Posted by: Frank G 2023-09-01 06:31 |
| #3 In all seriousness, he should probably skip the class field-trip to DC. |
| Posted by: M. Murcek 2023-09-01 06:22 |
| #2 Or maybe a new sub-category for Humor or Satire |
| Posted by: DooDahMan 2023-09-01 03:58 |
| #1 Shouldn't this be in 'Opinion' ? |
| Posted by: magpie 2023-09-01 01:22 |