[Bee] GAZA — Amidst an ongoing conflict between Hamas and Israel, residents of Gaza banded together Thursday to vote for a ceasefire in Chicago, a city they say is an absolute war zone."We are appalled by the endless violence in Chicago. How can anyone live there?" declared Gaza resident Ahmed Al-Astal Abu Al-Najjar. "We must add our voice to the growing number of people demanding peace in this war-torn American city."
According to reports, there were 2,450 shootings in The Windy City in 2023 alone. "You'd be crazy to live in Chicago," Al-Najjar reiterated, shaking his head. "I don't care how good they say their pizza is."
"All of these deaths could have been prevented if only the Chicago government would get their act together," Gaza resident Muhammad Mahmoud Muhammad Musa said as he voted in support of the resolution calling for a Chicago ceasefire.
The text of the resolution calls for a permanent ceasefire in Chicago, humanitarian assistance, and for its citizens to immediately convert to Islam or die.
At publishing time, the Chicago city council had attempted to sign a resolution calling for ceasefire in Gaza, but the vote was interrupted by a drive-by shooting.
| The real life thing the Babylon Bee is responding to: |
[IsraelTimes] Democrat Brandon Johnson
...Hizzonner da Mare of Chicago. He was elected in April 2023 to replace the disastrous Lori Lightfoot and immediately set about out-Richtering her. A member of the Democratic Party (naturally), Johnson previously worked as a social studies teacher in the city's stellar public schools system. He helped organize the 2012 teachers strike. Prior to becoming Da Mare, he served on the Cook County Board of Boodlng Commissioners from 2018 to 2023...splits with party leader Biden, making reliably Democrat Chicago, aka The Windy City or Mobtown
...home of Al Capone, the Chicago Black Sox, a succession of Daleys, Barak Obama, and Rahm Emmanuel...
the largest US city to pass symbolic measure that also calls for hostages’ release but doesn’t condemn Hamas
...not a terrorist organization, even though it kidnaps people, holds hostages, and tries to negotiate by executing them,...
The nearly four-hour debate on the resolution was heated, with several hundred pro-Paleostinian activists — many wearing keffiyeh scarves — sitting in the audience and shouting down speakers against the resolution, leading Johnson to clear the ground-floor gallery mid-way through. Several dozen activists were allowed to remain in the glass-covered, upper-level gallery for the remainder of the hearing, and they erupted in cheers after Johnson cast his tie-breaking vote.