The Fizzle in Filibuster Fission
BY JAMES LILEKS
For sci-fi junkies, there's "Star Wars." For political fiends, there's the nuclear option over the filibustering of judicial nominees. Imagine how geeks would react to a 26-hour "Star Wars" movie that skipped the space battles and ended with Darth Vader and Obi-Wan shaking hands, and you have the mood of the Republican base today.
The GOP agreed to let some judges who would have been confirmed be confirmed, and agreed to dump some judges who had enough votes to get the job. In exchange for not enforcing the Constitution, they extracted a promise from the Dems not to filibuster unless "extraordinary circumstances" arise.
Very nice. "Kumbaya," etc. Unfortunately, "extraordinary circumstances" will probably be applied to any nominee to the right of Rob Reiner. Anyone conservative is extraordinary and circumstantial. Democratic Party Chairman Howard Dean, for example, recently told Tim Russert what it means to be a Democrat:
"Our moral values, in contradiction to the Republicans', is we don't think kids ought to go to bed hungry at night."
Bingo! Head shot! We all recall the rafter-shaking huzzahs when President Bush proposed the National Evening Snack Confiscation Act, which would use stealthy ninjas to steal milk and cookies from the nation's youth. Republicans hate abortion because it means fewer children gripping their tummies in pain at bedtime. Let such miscreants take over the courts, and they'll rule that the Interstate Commerce Clause doesn't cover the right of citizens to marry stem cells over the Internet.
In short, if the Republicans nominate someone who doesn't think the First Amendment says CONGRESS SHALL MAKE NO LAWS ABRIDGING RIGHT TO PRIVACY!!!! THIS MEANS U!!!, it'll trigger the filibuster again.
Or maybe not; maybe Dems will filibuster because a judge is a leeeetle bit too religious. Or an ethnic type who wandered off the compound. Or some dangerous free-thinker who fails to see the Constitution as an origami project to be folded into new and interesting shapes.
If Bush nominates someone who once sent a birthday card to Robert Bork, he'll be painted as a reactionary who wants everyone to dress like Cotton Mather and use "thee" as a form of address. Then it's filibusterin' time again.
Why not? What would be the penalties? Who'd complain? The Republicans would carp, but they'd look like little baby whiners. The Democrats would go right back to the script, and blame Bush for appointing judges who want to bring back slavery and use children as coal-mine air quality testers.
The entire affair would have been over long ago if Senate Republicans had been less interested in cloakroom comity and more interested in ending this novel application of the venerable filibuster. But the Senate, as we are often told, is where the passions are sent to cool, congeal, dry out and crust over with a thick, furry coat of mold. Senators take pride in their role. And if you had that many servants, drivers, factotums and aides de camp scurrying after your Very Important Self, you'd be swollen with pride as well.
Hence, in the end, the GOP senators decided to represent some mythical idea of senatorial grandeur and collegiality -- as if the exercise of partisan advantage to do the right thing violated the founders' desire for sweetness and light and happy, chirpy bird song.
In any case, it's done; the nuclear option, which was threatened for a greater period of time than it took to actually invent the nuclear bomb, is off the table.
Filibuster for the Supreme Court? Poppycock. Why, listen to Sen. Harry Reid after the deal was struck: "We have sent President George Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney and the radical right of the Republican Party an undeniable message. ... The abuse of power will not be tolerated."
Gracious in victory, no? Sounds like someone who wants to build a bridge, all right -- so he can throw the next nominee over the railing. And the GOP will agree to jump ... in the spirit of compromise, of course.
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