Fade in. Chaotic supermarket parking lot, strewn with bodies in aftermath of shooting spree. Amid lights and sirens, a bearded man in black windbreaker and sunglasses ducks under the yellow police tape.
COUNTY DEPUTY
Sir -- sir! Please remain behind the cordon. This is an active crime scene investigation.
KRUGMAN (flashes New York Times OpEd badge)
I know. Krugman, CSI. This is my partner Lt. Matthews.
MATTHEWS
Who's in charge here? And where are the donuts?
DEPUTY
He's over there sir -- Sheriff Dupnik. He's in charge of the donuts, too.
Krugman and Matthews cross the parking lot, deftly stepping over sheet-covered corpses
DUPNIK
Krugman. Matthews. I was wondering when you two would get here. We've already booked a perp. Cruller?
MATTHEWS
No thanks, I'll take those two bear claws though.
KRUGMAN
What do you got with white icing? And what do you got on the perp?
DUPNIK
White male, 22, close cropped hair. Goes by the name of Lucidfer Matrix Dreambrain. Another typical college Republican.
CSI DETECTIVE MARKOS "KOS" MOULITSAS
Captain! Captain Krugman! I think you should see this.
On the asphalt outside supermarket, the CSI squad gathers around a spilled bag of groceries outlined in chalk.
KRUGMAN
Good work rookie. Well, well, well. What do we have here?
Crouching down, Krugman picks up a box of Lipton tea bags with the tip of his pencil.
KRUGMAN (whipping off sunglasses)
If I know my demand curves, Id say our young Republican wasn't acting alone.
Cue opening credit sequence
THE WHO
BRAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHH!
Fast-paced action montage of CSI team shaking test tubes, spellchecking, studying tea bags under microscope, arresting cactus
THE WHO
We won't get fooled again!
CSI Headquarters. Behind a two-way mirror, Krugman and Matthews watch as the suspect is interrogated by detectives Olbermann and Maddow.
OLBERMANN
Out with it, scumbag! Who are you working with? We know you're hiding something - or somebody! At long last, have you no shame, sir?! Have you no decency?
DREAMBRAIN
Riddle me this, Batman. Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? That's for me to know, but what am I? Ha hah! Heee! Ho hee! Pbblltth!
Olbermann jumps up angrily from chair, Maddow restrains him.
MADDOW
Look, pal. Olbermann here, he goes just a little crazy kookoo sometimes. You should see him when he goes full Special Commentary. But you can trust me. Im your friend. I'll take care of you, see? Here, have a nice hot cup of tea...
Dreambrain knocks the tea from the table
DREAMBRAIN
You're trying to control my grammar! I have a constitutional right to saxophones!
MATTHEWS (on intercom)
Take five, detectives. His rightwing gibberish isn't getting us anywhere.
KRUGMAN
Have the results gotten back from the toxicology lab yet?
MATTHEWS
Got 'em right here. Weed... acid... psilocybin... salvia... Red Bull... but so far a negative on tea. And transfats.
KRUGMAN
Looks like our perp got instructions to dry out his system before pulled off the hit. Dammit, we need to get a solid ID on the scumbag controlling these trigger men before there's another bloodbath! Lets see if Sullivan has any leads.
Dimly-lit high tech laboratory under CSI HQ, filled with fetal grow charts, maternity shop mannequins
KRUGMAN
So Sullivan, who do you think Dreambrain was working with?
CHIEF FORENSIC GYNECOLOGIST ANDREW SULLIVAN
Well, if I had to venture a guess, I'd say it was a woman. Late 40's. Likely an ex-governor of a US state. One capable of mind control and superhuman childbirth abilities.
KRUGMAN
Dammit man, I need something more solid than that! Did you say she controls people with her mind?
SULLIVAN
No, she controls other peoples minds but not with her own. Captain, as you can see here, I've taken the liberty of constructing this oversized 3-dimensional model of the mastermind's inside lady parts.
KRUGMAN
Very impressive. What did you use for the fallopian tubes?
SULLIVAN
They had a special on crazy straws at Craft Gallery. Now, if my theory is correct, the mind control waves emanate from deep here within her reproductive system, as some sort of ultra high frequency musical pitch, inaudible to human ears.
KRUGMAN
Like a dog whistle?
SULLIVAN
Exactly. But to her highly susceptible Tea Party dupes, the message comes through loud and clear.
KRUGMAN (pointing at model)
So you're saying the music goes round and round... whoah-o-ohhh... and it comes out here?
MATTHEWS
Like a nickelodeon from hell.
KRUGMAN (whipping off sunglasses)
My God, Sullivan. If youre right, then we just reopened an entire warehouse of cold cases.
SOUND F/X
Fwooommmsh
Flashback: outside Dakota Hotel in New York 1980. A man strolling along sidewalk suddenly freezes midstep. Split screen of beauty pageant in Alaska. Closeup of contestant receiving Miss Congeniality crown. Her eyes turn pulsating red. The New York man pulls gun from leisure suit.
Flashback: inside Texas Schoolbook Depository, 1963. Warehouse worker suddenly freezes. Split screen of baby girl in Eskimo papoose. Babys eyes turn pulsating red. Man grabs rifle and walks toward window.
Flashback: intermission at Fords Theater, 1865. At concession stand, man suddenly freezes. Split screen of pelt-strewn Governors office. A woman is seated behind desk, whose eyes begin pulsating red. Eyes of moose heads on walls begin pulsating red. Man retrieves derringer from waistcoat.
WOMAN BEHIND GOVERNORS DESK
I can see 1865 from my window! Bwa ha ha!
SOUND F/X
Fwooommmsh
Flash forward to Sullivans laboratory
KOS
Captain! Captain!
KRUGMAN
What is it Moulitsas? This better be good!
KOS (deftly moving windows around on giant touch screen)
Well sir, you see, I wrote a high speed neural network script to mine all two records in our suspect database. I think I made a positive ID.
MATTHEWS
Whuhh? Sarah Palin?! Shes the last person any of us would have expected!
KRUGMAN
Nice work, rookie. Im putting you up for a commendation.
KOS
Thanks, sir! Should I notify the netroots SWAT team?
KRUGMAN
No. Shell be already be expecting that and pull her old victim card. No, if were going to catch Palin, we have to make her come to us. Somehow, weve get deep inside the mind one of her minions like Dreambrain, and start thinking like him.
SULLIVAN
Right and when she starts sending the mind control waves, kapow!
KOS
But sir - that would mean trying to think like somebody who obsessively demonizes and dehumanize anyone he disagrees with, and lashes out at them randomly!
MATTHEWS (puts arm around Kos)
I know kid. It goes against everything CSI stands for, but we have to give it our best try for civility.
KRUGMAN (pulling off sunglasses)
Thankfully I know somebody out in the desert who can help us get over our strict moral inhibitions.
THE WHO
Mama's got a squeezebox, Daddy never sleeps at night!
Dusty adobe lodge in the desert. The CSI team is gathered around wolf entrails, passing a peyote pipe with Carlos Castaneda and Don Juan.
DON JUAN
Feel the melting away of reality. Be in the journey. Do not see. Only be. Do not try, only do.
MATTHEWS
Do. Be. Do be do be do.
KOS
Oh man, I am a condor... I'm soaring above the canyons....
KRUGMAN
And I am a Nobel prize winner... soaring above the Times OpEd breakroom.
SULLIVAN
I am giving birth to myself.
OLBERMANN
Palin! There she is! Get her!
The CSI team stumbles into each other, out the front door, and into the desert
THE WHO
That deaf-dumb-and-blind kid sure plays a mean pinball!
CASTANEDA
Hey you idiots, come back here! You're chasing a mirage! The heat will drive you insane!
DON JUAN
Let them go, Mijo. It's not the heat. It's the stupidity.
Pointing to the low crime rates Moore asks why people in areas like Tucson want guns? After all these places with all these guns are super safe so why would you want to own such an incredibly dangerous thing like a gun in any of these completely safe areas with lots of guns since, you know, guns are crazy dangerous and stuff... It should be pointed out that the Tucson area is very heavily Democrat, the bluest area in the State. So Moore is basically calling for Democrats to disarm themselves.
#1
Pointing to the low crime rates Moore asks why people in areas like Tucson want guns?
Maybe because Lots of Guns=Low Crime Rate?
The same logic fails the Left who decry the number of people incarcerated when the crime rate is down. Just maybe the removal of large numbers of recidivistic sociopaths from society has something to do with it? /rhet question
#2
I am wondering why such a fat fuck would want more food? I think all fat fucks should not be able to consume food since it apparent they don't need it. In addition, it seems food is a dangerous thing to them and threatening their health and the welfare of others and should be regulated and banned for all such fat fucks.
#3
Obesity is incredibly dangerous, too. People own guns to protect themselves from Michael Moore. Should he ever miss a meal, we are all in great peril.
#4
Well, Shabaab probably does hate your tubby cracker ass cabrone.
Now here is some classic thinking right here. See, it does not matter what that particular part of Arizona is, it is that it is part of Arizona so everybody is either a redneck brown beater or migrant family who must hide frommon ze po-lice. Sorry everybody else you do not count; you have been pre judged and do not count in the simplified compartentalized world of the white liberal effete elite.
Second, raccoon theory. Classic trap is a bit of tin or shiney whatnot inside a funnel-type contraption. Critter grabs the shine piece, making a fist and completing the trap but will not let go of the tensil to free itself. The idea is the tensil is the gun, and the raccoon is average joe drone. Person just cannot help but grab a gun to go do whatever and is so mesmorized by the gun that person looses rational thought. I know and respect plenty of people who made the active choice to not own a firearm for their own personal reasons, and I can respect that...I understand, there is good reason why I should not own a car which could pull 180mph in crap.87 seconds. See the difference between thought appraisal to micky moor's disdain of the individual being a mindless animals merely reacting to environment, unable to think deep things and feel, really feel, things as deeply as a hamster in hollywood.
Now there are two major genres of gun grabber - those who know guns are power and those who are genuinely afraid of guns, like some people just cannot get over their fear of heights, fire, or diets. But hey, s'moore is fart smeller, so I'll roll just as soon as the federali round up and charge everyone who has worn a che shirt with a hate crime and incitement to murder. Its the iconography, see it makes me want to grab me some guuunnns and ambush unsuspecting unarmed farmers.
And we should outlaw club sandwiches, in the wrong hand it could kill, right mr. moore?
#6
Oh Reeeeeeally? So Micheal "Lardass Loudmouth Lefty" Moore, tell me this: was M.L. King Jr a racist? He certainly owned firearms - thats plural by the way. So that means according to you, Martin Luther King Jr was a racist.
What a fucking moron.
Maybe that dumbass should look at cause and effect, and learn from Heinlein.
An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life.
Posted by: No I am The Other Beldar ||
01/20/2011 15:12 Comments ||
Top||
Hege Storhaug, lived for 2 years in Pakland and refused to close her eyes. Now she lives in Norway and has been trying to alert Norway to the danger within. She wrote a book. The indisputably true statements about Islam in Norway became controversial. In this opinion piece for Pajamas Media, she reports that, in Norway, the younger the moslem, the more likely they are to support Jihad, Sharia, killing of infidels, etc. and that the more highly educated, the more Islamist also.
Posted by: lord garth ||
01/20/2011 07:41 ||
Comments ||
Link ||
[6 views]
Top|| File under:
#1
There is a very good chance that this trial may prove to be incredibly valuable to both Wilders and his party.
As things stand, they are in third place, and the ruling party must consult with them on all major legislation. But this can be a place where a third party withers away, out of the limelight.
But with the trial, Wilders and his party have a frequent platform that is *not* in political news, and thus consistently rebutted, but in legal news. So the public get to see Wilders point of view at intervals, with no spin doctors to say otherwise.
The more unfair the trial, the better. And while Muslims seethe and scream, the ethnic Dutch simmer quietly until they explode. But when and if they do it is like Krakatoa.
Ehud Barak wanted to be the Labor Party's leader in the worst way, and that's just what he's done. After twice taking it down the road to defeat -- including a failed term as prime minister -- and turning the once dominant party into a weak also-ran, he pushed it off a cliff this week and left to form his own party.
Once the party of the working classes, it had become a party of elitists as it watched Likud and even Shas fill its former role.
The party that founded the state was struck a final blow by its own leader, who had plotted its demise with Likud Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu.
The Left has been unable to find a way to counter a right-wing prime minister and a coalition of more extreme elements, although Barak initially claimed he brought Labor into the coalition for that purpose. The promise to give Netanyahu's right-wing coalition a small degree of balance never materialized.
Barak in recent months has faced increasing pressure to pull Labor out of Netanyahu's dysfunctional government because of its failure to make progress on the peace process. The word from Washington was that the administration was furious with Barak for "deceiving" it about his clout in pushing Netanyahu toward peace, reported Haaretz.
And here's what Haaretz has to say on the subject:
The process of Labor's split began two weeks ago, after a wave of attacks on the part of party ministers against Barak after senior U.S. officials told Haaretz that the Obama administration was furious with the defense minister for "deceiving" them about his political clout with regard to the peace process.
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and Obama's senior advisers say that for more than a year and a half Barak misled them about his persuasive powers with Netanyahu regarding his ability to bring him toward an agreement with the Palestinians.
Because the prime minister was going to be open to orders carried by his defense minister from President Obama, after the president had so blatantly insulted him. Clearly our very best and cleverest inhabit the White House.
In a process of blackmail and a clear pressure tactic, Hezbollah yesterday sought to demonstrate its capabilities on the streets of Beirut. However, its supporters soon dispersed and withdrew, and the party was quick to say that it does not intend to resort to the street [as a form of protest]. It is clear that Hezbollah wanted to send a message to Hariri and his associates, indicating that the party is ready and able to occupy Beirut.
Hezbollah's conduct came after a three-way summit in Damascus, involving Syria, Turkey and Qatar, who called for the activation of the Saudi-Syrian initiative. On the same day that both the foreign ministers of Turkey and Qatar arrived in Beirut, the Syrian President was meeting with the Commander of the Lebanese Army as well. Hezbollah's behavior was seen as a message to those visiting Beirut, and to the Saudis of course, implying: Pressure Hariri to accept our demands, or else...! It may be appropriate here to share with our readers what I heard from an official close to the Hezbollah issue, who gave an important account of the situation. He said that two facts that must be pointed out, because what people see in Lebanon, and the region in general, comes from conversations that conceal more than they reveal, and simply consist of "flattery and mutual dishonesty".
The first fact, according to the official, is that the Tribunal "is the only way to learn the truth and achieve justice. To attack and try to disable it only serves to protect the killers, and those who stood behind them, with planning and equipment". The official believed that "their [Hezbollah's] agenda had come to light through their attempts to overthrow the Tribunal, even before they had been exposed by it. Even if they had just a modest degree of intelligence, they would have discovered that the Tribunal in fact works in their favor, because it will only charge individual suspects. Yet everyone knows that crimes which involve the assassination of Lebanese leaders require a degree of organization and preparation that is beyond the capabilities of an individual".
The official then revealed the second fact, namely that terrorist groups and organizations, on the one hand, and sectarian militia on the other, "are just two sides of the same evil coin, despite their false affiliations to God and religion. Their real goal is to tear the countries of the region apart, and turn them into arenas of public discord, civil wars, and conflicts between Muslims and Christians, Sunnis and Shiites. This serves those who want to transform the region into a sort of chessboard to play with, or a bargaining chip". He added that this in turn "benefits only two parties, namely Israel and Iran. Here we understand why some want to displace Christians, or denounce Sunni moderation, when they know that the alternative is 'al-Qaeda' ". The official wondered "what do you think will be the future of Lebanon if it was ruled by al-Qaeda and sectarian militia?"
Accordingly, further to what was said above, will everyone give in to Hezbollah's blackmail, or have matters now reached a tipping point? Certainly, giving in to Hezbollah's demands will only solidify the crisis in Lebanon and the region, whether sectarian or otherwise. However, insisting upon the Tribunal will also increase the irrational behavior of Hezbollah, and ignite the situation...so what is the solution?
It is clear that the time has come for Lebanon to move on from the state of labor it has endured for decades. The country has been built upon mistakes, and all attempts to rectify this have only made matters worse. Thus the time has come to reform Lebanon the hard way, and the International Tribunal is the best way in which to do this.
Posted by: Fred ||
01/20/2011 00:00 ||
Comments ||
Link ||
[12 views]
Top|| File under: Hezbollah
#1
My two-cents about Lebanon and Hezbullah: The Lebanese Army could still eliminate the militants or at least kick them in the nuts and make them shut up. But I guess they are too neutered to act. They might as well throw on a burka. Hezbullah as a party makes up ?7%? of the population and yet they drive ALL the politics in the country. Kind of reminds me of a minority party that scored big in the 1930s.
#2
Given that Hizb'allah is reported to have thoroughly penetrated the Lebanese army, Cyber Sarge, how likely is it that an order to attack would be obeyed?
#3
This is a piece of literacy magnificence. Not seen since matthews had something slither up his leg in 2008. Or any NYT Op-ed piece. Or even newsweek!
A multi-volume chronology and reference guide set detailing three years of the Mexican Drug War between 2010 and 2012.
Rantburg.com and borderlandbeat.com correspondent and author Chris Covert presents his first non-fiction work detailing
the drug and gang related violence in Mexico.
Chris gives us Mexican press dispatches of drug and gang war violence
over three years, presented in a multi volume set intended to chronicle the death, violence and mayhem which has
dominated Mexico for six years.
Rantburg was assembled from recycled algorithms in the United States of America. No
trees were destroyed in the production of this weblog. We did hurt some, though. Sorry.
