1) We should let the French write the resolution - they'll act in their national interest and, being our good allies with all those overlapping interests, we'll be as pleased as punch with what they produce. We've failed to recognize them and the valuable guidance they've offered over the years. It's time we sat down and learned the art of diplomacy.

2) This will please the Germans immensely, so things will immediately improve with them, as well. We should apologize for entering WWII. They hadn't done anything to us, after all.

3) Kofi will probably forgive us - and we can restore that important link by offering our help wherever his little heart desires in Africa.

And, while that's being "debated" and the champagne flows at the UN, we should pack everything and everyone up in Iraq and haul it all back to America. It was a mistake. We're very very sorry.

1) The Shia are reasonable folks - they'll pacify the South and get all the help they need from the moderate Iranians. The Holy Mullahs will be glad to step in and correct the terrible situation in Iraq.

2) Our good fiends and allies, the Turks, will help maintain order in the North. We can trust them to "solve" those messy Kurdish issues.

3) We can help our pal Tony, too, cuz the limeys can go home too. If the Brits toss him out, we will offer permanent residence and pensions for him and his entire Govt in the US - Chevy Chase is nice. Or we could give them back Boston and New York so they can settle in comfortably. The Rev War was a mistake - their Geo3 was a jolly good fellow.

4) The important Arab tribal culture should not be denigrated as backward or brutal. Far from it - it is the beacon of man's future, not it's past. We'll trust the Sunnis to handle the central zone. The Sheikhs will recognize that acting for the greater good of Iraq overrides local loyalties and bakshish.

When these wheels start turning, we can mend fences with the Saudis, who've never ever done anything whatsoever to harm us. We should bring back a token US military force - and then throw ourselves out so their public will know the Royals and Clerics are our betters.

The Egyptians and our good friend Mubarek, we should give them $4B per year, instead of the measly $2B. They deserve it! Just cuz.

We should issue an apology to Perv and Pakiland - and immediately set up a madrassah fund to relieve the strain on our Saudi brothers. We'll empty Gitmo - and compensate each person kept there handsomely.

A blanket apology should be offered to the surviving Taliban - and a reparations fund set up immediately to right the terrible wrongs they've suffered at our hands. We can offer to execute some Afghan women who've shed the burqa to show how serious we are.

The Iranians. What can I say? How can I mitigate the damage we caused them by broadcasting messages encouraging their public to revolt? I say we give the mullahs the Toyota dealerships owned by all registered Repooblicans in compensation. This will give them a cash flow and base of operations in the US. They can spread the Religion of Peace. We will all sit at their feet and learn the wisdom and their holy ways.

Syria - I doubt that Baby Doc can forgive us, but we'll get that pipeline back online immediately!

Dear Leader - you were right. We've been threatening you and making peace and prosperity impossible. You have every right to demand oil and food and the right to sell nuke and missile tech to anyone you please. We'll give you Hollywood in compensation for our failure to see your shining example.

And then we'll get serious about this road map stuff. Arafat will be made Permanent Presidential Foreign Advisor for Middle Eastern Affairs. We will guarantee them $4B per year, just like Egypt. We will immediately send war material to the militant groups - along with some damned fine cash bonuses to get the ball rolling, again. Our full arms inventory will be made available to them.

The we'll declare war on Israel. What isn't our fault must be theirs. Nuke the place - when the wind is right.

This set of gestures should open doors and make us popular throught the world. Martin Sheen, Susan Sarandon, and Johnny Depp will be appointed to cabinet positions. Then Geo43 will resign in disgrace and his entire cabinet will be shot.