Article

2004-04-11 Southeast Asia

Malaysiaâs opposition warns detractors of divine wrath

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Posted by Fred 2004-04-11 12:49|| || Front Page|| [1 views since 2007-05-07] Top

#1 Divine wrath... is that an upgrade to the normal dire revenge that we are usually promised?

Posted by Scott 2004-04-11 6:31:24 PM|| [http://tacoflavoredkisses.com/tfkblog/] 2004-04-11 6:31:24 PM|| Front Page Top

#2 Divine wrath... is that an upgrade to the normal dire revenge that we are usually promised?

While "Divine Wrath" is widely recognized in the Islamic world as a most calamitous adjunct of Allah's Arsenal,â¢ the overall spectrum of Jihadist Jibes is as varied and extensive as Kofi Annan's "continuum of steps" that he uses to interdict genocide.

According to the official Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf UN Translator's Guide to Islamic Rhetoric (revisionist edition Â©1998) the most common upgrade to "Dire Revenge" is usually a, "Stomach Grilled in Hell." But let us begin at the beginning.

Ancient traditions outlined in the once revered Quip Qu'ran (since declared apostasic) are very specific as to what threat should be leveled when and where against whom. Everyday offenders begin on the bottom rung and merely warrant the redolent label of, "Tartoor." In a similarly dorsal manner, a step up from this brings us to the less feeble, "Backside Kicking." Ascension above these corporeal references begins to give us a brief vision of the fabled hereafter with, "Vanquished." Contrary to the arid circumstances of its origin, the plural context of "Vanquished" assumes a more colorful turn as, "Quagmire of the Dead."

All of these minor epithets eventually begin to coalesce into more vitiolic formulae as we finally approach the dubiously immortal, "Draught of Poison." This toxic brew is deemed less glorious than its violent successor of, "Throats Cut." As the mayhem becomes more formidable we arrive at what Mohammed's Massacre Manual (Â©1688 Lambskin Press & Co. LLP) suggests should be, "Butchered."

Looking beyond these rather mundane exhortations, Sharia Law finally begins to manifest with, "Beheading." For more complex situations, "Mass Suicide" is recommended, although the "Rain of Bullets" is still held in high regard. Such leaden prose is livened up by a bit of colorful tradition as Islam begins to incorporate some of its own unique and context specific insults. This brings us to the more kinetic, "Hail of Bullets and Shoes."

As always, the Feyadeen FootpathÂ® seeks unimaginably glorious heights, and it is here where the iron grip of fear clasps us to its brass teated bosom. Barely outweighing the "Taste of Definite Death" is a more numerous, "Continuing Slaughter." However, none of these carry the infernal embellishment of, "Thrown into a Crematorium." So it is that we make our entrance into the more well known regions of religious rhetoric much favored by today's clerical firebrands.

The familiar, "Dire Revenge" is unable to hold a candle to "Stomachs Grilled in Hell." Such calamitous cuisine is more easily delivered to the nether world and therefore rates below the extremely labor intensive and nefarious, "Opening the Gates of Hell." Only once we proceed beyond this Mephistophelian portcullis are we finally given a fleeting glimpse of paradise with, "Divine Wrath."

As can be easily seen, it is no simple matter to summon forth such an extensive vocabulary of intimidation. Mastery of such fulsome fulmination requires centuries of fist shaking, ulullations, sneering and general ingratitude. It is only through zealous adherence to a rigorous program of wife beating, female genital mutilation and self-inflicted gaping head wounds that even a flaccid command of these ominous utterances can be obtained.

Provided below is an ordered list of these perilous portents. Read them if you dare!

Divine wrath

Opening the gates of Hell

Stomachs grilled in Hell

Dire revenge

Thrown into a crematorium

Continuing slaughter

The taste of definite death

Hail of bullets and shoes

The rain of bullets

Mass suicide

Beheading

Butchering

Throats cut

Draught of poison

Quagmire of the dead

Vanquished

Backside kicking

Tartoor (full of farts)

Posted by Zenster 2004-04-11 10:57:42 PM|| 2004-04-11 10:57:42 PM|| Front Page Top

#3 "Quip Qu'ran" and "interdict genocide"

LOL! If the former is a ref to Touchstone's 7 degrees of a Lie ("Upon a lie seven times removed..."), you're an Ace! Hysterical! The latter is easier - and also hysterical! Kudos!

Posted by .com 2004-04-11 11:05:40 PM|| 2004-04-11 11:05:40 PM|| Front Page Top

#4 and it is here where the iron grip of fear clasps us to its brass teated bosom.

God bless the Internet.

Posted by B 2004-04-11 11:12:03 PM|| 2004-04-11 11:12:03 PM|| Front Page Top

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