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2006-10-26 -Lurid Crime Tales-

Media Beast: The Aftermath (Rantburg Collective Media Project)

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Posted by Atomic Conspiracy 2006-10-26 14:37|| || Front Page|| [5 views since 2007-05-07] Top

#1 It was a dark and stormy night, and the low clouds scudding under the full moon cast a flickering light on Anderson Cooper as he was stretching on his front lawn before his evening run.

Posted by Grunter 2006-10-26 15:24|| 2006-10-26 15:24|| Front Page Top

#2 ...Suddenly his head snapped up, causing him to pull a groin muscle (it's important in such things to include health tips). He grunts in pain, and moves creakily to stand up. His eyes widen in shock. It's the entire news crew, in the big news van, the one with the CNN logo and his face plastered on all four sides, the one he always found painfully vulger.

His assisstant bursts through the door to land in a heap at his feet. She speaks in carefully gradated exclamations:

Asst 1: Hurry sir! No time to change!! Something's happening in the aud!!! We'll brief you on the way!!!!

Posted by trailing wife 2006-10-26 15:38|| 2006-10-26 15:38|| Front Page Top

#3 Meanwhile, across town, the phones were ringing hot. "It's Barbra's PA," she said. Shes holding a surprise party in an old warehouse in the meatpacking district, and she's going to sing. 'How exciting!

Posted by Grunter 2006-10-26 15:45|| 2006-10-26 15:45|| Front Page Top

#4 ...meanwhile, at the Palestine, Grizzled War Correspondent jovially asked Mahmoud for another double and to turn up CNN so he could get the war news for tomorrow's hard hitting "War is Hell" column. It was a huge hit with the rubes back home.

Posted by tu3031 2006-10-26 15:53|| 2006-10-26 15:53|| Front Page Top

#5 Long version:
Bubbling with excitement, each recipient took pains to preserve his engraved invitation. The Clintons. Invited ME! Babs and Fleetwood Mac. The Boss. Mellencamp. An open bar and 7 course dinner. Glitter, glitz, and their due: special treatment. The only fly in the glamorous ointment was the pledge to keep the time and location secret, no uninvited press, just the "chosen ones". The lure and self-satisfaction was too great - all complied with the secrecy clause. They knew this would "make" them. American royalty.

Since the evil ChimpBusHitler had been assassinated and Clinton had won the election, they had been too ecstatic, to self-absorbed, too satisfied to worry about the lameduck Cheney who had been sworn in and, after some embarrassing slapdowns from the Democrat-controlled Congress, seemingly dropped off the radar. Ignoring the screeching, he held no press conferences and, only once, had he appeared on TV to give a fireside chat style speech. In late November he had called for unity and cooperation - worthy of howls of derision. He had asked for new powers from Congress to assist law enforcement in the investigation - it was met with sneers and jeers unseen in the history of Congress. He had been so brazen as to request passage of bills to fortify and dramatically increase the armed forces - this had brought the ultimate moment of conservative humiliation - a putative Bill of Impeachment had been produced and floated around the House and the rumor given heavy media coverage. But it was unneeded, Cheney gracefully thanked the Congress for considering each of his requests, and simply called for calm and restoration of order.

The limos pulled up at over a thousand addresses that first afternoon, the homes of corporate giants, hedge fund managers, members of Congress and, subsequently, their staff members, judges of all levels, each carefully chosen, each carefully timed to fit within their normal activities, and each synchronized to collect and deliver its occupants at their secret locale precisely on time. At that place, a corporate-style jet awaited, further reinforcing the impression of importance, the smug satisfaction that, indeed, they had been recognized and now appropriate rewards would be theirs to the end of their days.

When the jets arrived at the final destination, it was very late. A moonless night, the only thing that could be seen were the runway lights and the glittering jets delivering glittering VIPs. Each jet's occupants were rushed to yet another limo - windows deeply shaded, very posh, very hush-hush, very important. Again, off they went...

The process was military in its precision, with each limo arriving at the tunnel entrance exactly one moment apart, the doors were opened, the occupants assisted in exiting, and the needle inserted at the base of the skull so quickly that few even felt the prick. The bodies were quickly drug away, preparing the scene for the next limo.

The operation was repeated, daily, for the entire month of December and the first two weeks of January. The last batch of VIPS included the named parties from the earlier invitations and the Press - simply mentioning the Clintons was sufficient to lure both in.

President Cheney called the networks for airtime on the evening of January 18th, 2009, a Sunday. Since it was a slow night for networks shows - they reluctantly agreed to his request. He simply said:

Our republic has been in great danger since 9/11. We have been misled and lied to by many. Neither I nor President Bush did so - we fought against the lies with the truth. We could find little coverage - and even what was given was twisted, misrepresented, and contained both factual errors as well as errors of ommission. Our country, our nation, was forcibly divided and fed a diet of Stalinist propaganda, was subverted by paid traitors within, was torn asunder by partisan rhetoric and, yes, more lies. President Bush died an honorable man, a leader of amazing integrity and devotion to civility and the constitution. After his death, to my amazement and horror it grew even worse. I formulated a plan to deal with the threats that we faced. It was apparent the greatest threat was internal. I have completed the phase to correct the legal oversights and sedition and eliminate this threat. I will now turn to face the external threat. That, too, shall be eliminated. President-Elect, Clinton has withdrawn - and I have officially been designated the winner of all electoral votes. I will be sworn in on Tuesday morning. Thank you, and God Bless America.

Short version:
President Cheney has officially taken the title Longshanks the Second and will be sworn in on Tuesday. He will serve a single term or less, taking the direct actions needed to correct the problems which beset us, and will retire at the earliest opportunity - at which time the State of Emergency will be lifted. Thanks for playing.

Posted by .com 2006-10-26 16:36|| 2006-10-26 16:36|| Front Page Top

#6 In a dusty classroom at an abandoned school, the men of Blue Team perched awkwardly on the tiny desks. None joked or even said a word- these were hard men from the hardest school of all.
And Blue Team Leader was about to speak. Who was this man with the steely grey buzzcut and the air of command, legendarily adept in every deadly art? None dared ask or even guess. He was an old spook, that was obvious, indeed unconcealable, but even that knowledge was dangerous.

Posted by Grunter 2006-10-26 17:12|| 2006-10-26 17:12|| Front Page Top

#7 It was a moonless night. All the better, thought Jason as he adjusted his night vision goggles. I can see and they can't, not that it's going to help them much even if they can. He swept the field in front of him, slowly, methodically, marking each reference point in his mind. That was what? The fifteenth time tonight? The muzzies had changed their guard a half hour before -- no, twenty-eight minutes before, be exact -- and the current watch should be settling in.

A voice next to him whispered. "Chief, Tyrone's in position. He's got a lock on the guard in the left tower. Ramone's been dialed in on the right now for five minutes. We good to go?"

"Soon. We want the inside muzzies asleep and the guards dozing. Osama's gonna be there all night. We got one chance at this."

"Right chief." Roger, the man who'd slid up to Jason, didn't like waiting, no, no, certainly not. This was supposed to be a straight up grab. They didn't know quite for sure that bin Laden was in the compound, you could never know for sure with the informers (what was his name? yeah, Mahmoud, that's right, Mahmoud). But he knew that the captain wouldn't have sent them hanging ass out in the breeze like this just outside Peshawar for no good reason.

"Roger." The chief whispered as low as Roger had done a moment before. He took his eyes from the goggles for a moment. "Get on the net, call it in. Guards are taking their naps. We go in five."

Posted by Steve White">Steve White 2006-10-26 17:16|| 2006-10-26 17:16|| Front Page Top

#8 Larry the Liberal newscaster on MSNBC was trembling in the rocking van, afraid to talk to the beshaded government agents who just snapped him up from the streets of New Jersey.

"Isn't it enough I was laid off?" asked and indignant Larry.

The agents looked at him but said nothing.

"Where are you taking me?" larry asked.

"To one of our black helicopters"

"And then?"

"On to a hunting trip with vice president Cheney"

"Nooooooo!!!"

Posted by badanov 2006-10-26 17:48|| http://www.freefirezone.org]">[http://www.freefirezone.org] 2006-10-26 17:48|| Front Page Top

#9 I love the idea, and am tempted to start contributing... BUT...

It's a bad idea. Journalists are thin-skinned, and if one of the particularly weaselly types thinks it's HIM in the story, then suddenly that journalist will discover the legal concepts of "terroristic threats" and "slander". I don't think the cops would be all that charitable to an internet forum with threats of murdering, even if they think the the objects deserve it.

Posted by Rob Crawford">Rob Crawford 2006-10-26 18:08|| http://www.kloognome.com/]">[http://www.kloognome.com/] 2006-10-26 18:08|| Front Page Top

#10 Oh, come on Rob! Only .com's was really skeery!

Posted by Bobby 2006-10-26 18:15|| 2006-10-26 18:15|| Front Page Top

#11 The flamethrower thing was hilarious, so was .com's summary.

Longshanks II Love it!

Can you imagine a jouranlist actually complaining about threat to kidnap him and send him on a hunting trip with VP Cheney?

Posted by badanov 2006-10-26 18:21|| http://www.freefirezone.org]">[http://www.freefirezone.org] 2006-10-26 18:21|| Front Page Top

#12 This project gets my vote. I'd love it.

Saw a post earlier at Drudge. A BBC reporter is embedded. with the Taliban.

YJCMTSU.

Posted by Mark Z 2006-10-26 20:27|| 2006-10-26 20:27|| Front Page Top

#13 Rob Crawford was suddenly shocked awake by his revealing dream. He knew that dreams like this are tips, sure signs that the dreaded RB was indeed up to something, ......but what ?

Posted by wxjames 2006-10-26 22:03|| 2006-10-26 22:03|| Front Page Top

16:24 sinse
23:49 Zenster
23:43 Zenster
23:37 Zenster
23:25 Contrarian
23:19 Thoth
23:17 Frank G
23:14 Zhang Fei
23:12 RD
23:04 Contrarian
23:02 trailing wife
23:00 DanNY
22:54 Shieldwolf
22:52 Shieldwolf
22:41 wxjames
22:39 Zhang Fei
22:33 Zenster
22:31 Cyber Sarge
22:31 Zenster
22:28 Zenster
22:27 Zenster
22:24 Zenster
22:19 tu3031
22:10 markawarka