Our planet is just five years away from climate change catastrophe - but can still be saved, according to a new report. What the fuc& does the WWF care about the planet?
The World Wide Fund for Nature (WWF) warns governments have until 2012 to "plant the seeds of change" and make positive moves to limit carbon emissions.
Ahh, now I see what's going on here. I've been duped by morons!
If they fail to do so, the WWF's Vision For 2050 warns "generations to come will have to live with the compromises and hardships caused by their inability to act".
We're already suffering those consequences it seems. Over half our congress has no brain, no spine, no direction, and no clue and it shows. I won't even talk about the EU.
"We have a small window of time in which we can plant the seeds of change, and that is the next five years," James Leape, from the WWF, said.
It'll never happen. I'd better get out there and drive my mid-70's sports car like there was no tomorrow. Because there won't be.
"We cannot afford to waste them. This is not something that governments can put off until the future."
My contribution will be to fart less often. You guys' contribution can be to stop breathing. Get to work, no time to waste!
Between now and 2050, the world's energy needs are expected to double.
That's OK. The way things are going, all the new players will be running on nuclear energy.
But the Climate Solutions document says technologies already available could be harnessed to produce enough sustainable energy to power the planet while also reducing greenhouse gas emissions by 60-80%.
Ooh! A document!
The WWF report also states that nuclear power is not necessary to cut carbon emissions.
Instead, there will be manna from heaven.
The finding is in stark contrast to the UK Government's insistence upon the need to go nuclear.
What do those oafs know? They don't have The Document!
Keith Allott, head of WWF-UK's climate change programmes, said: "This report shows that although the scale of the climate change challenge can seem daunting, it can be tackled provided we act with real urgency.
And money. Lots of money. Most of which will go into "research".
"We can slash carbon emissions and meet global energy demand without resorting to the red herring of nuclear power.
All in the next five years of course.
"The big question is whether the world's statesmen will have the strength and vision to make this happen - and Britain will be key to that."
Uh, yeah. And then Britain will single-handedly develop a Mars shuttle next year and head off to save Mars from the global warming it's experiencing, too. But don't worry, it's only experiencing 97% of the global warming us terrans are experiencing, so we have an additional 3.2 weeks to save it. Plenty of time.