A drunken man in Mainz, Germany, was arrested after he attempted to hold up a bank there armed with get this a water pistol and a potato peeler. "Hmm I know what I'll do tonight! I know! I'll soak a bank!"
Police say that the man, identified as 52-year-old Walter Schoegl, had a stocking over his head and was waving said potato peeler when he demanded cash. "This is a stickup! Gimme all the money or I douse the lot of you!"
But he left with nothing after the bank teller told him that they had run out of money. "Nope, we don't have a pfennig. Really." "Oh well. I'll just leave, then."
He was still wearing the stocking on his head when he was arrested a mere five minutes later.
#4
THe funny thing is that the Methodists were Fijians and that Fijians were cannibals until they switched to Methodist prolezitiraing and Rugby playing.
Flanders: A song which we call, "The Reluctant Cannibal":
Seated one day at the tom-tom,
I heard a welcome shout from the kitchen:
"COME AND GEEEEEEEEEEET IT!"
Roast leg of insurance salesman!
A chorus of "yum"s ran round the table:
(Yum yum yum yum yum yum yum...)
Except for Junior, who pushed away his shell,
Got up from his log, and said:
Swann: "I don't want any part of it!"
Flanders: What? Why not?
Swann: I don't eat people.
Flanders: Hey?
Swann: I won't eat people.
Flanders: Huh?
Swann: I don't eat people.
Flanders: I must be going deaf!
Swann: Eating people is wrong.
Flanders: It's wrong?
Swann: Don't eat people.
Flanders: Have you gone clean out of your mind?
Swann: I won't eat people.
Flanders: What's the matter with the lad?
Swann: Don't eat people.
Flanders: He keeps on repeating.
Both: Eating people is bad.
Flanders: But people have always eaten people,
What else is there to eat?
If the Juju had meant us not to eat people,
He wouldn't have made us of meat!
Swann: Don't eat people.
Flanders: Oh no, not again.
Swann: I won't eat people.
Flanders: All the day long.
Both: Don't eat people.
Flanders: He keeps on repeating.
Both: Eating people is wrong.
Flanders: Well... I... I never heard a more ridiculous idea in all my born days. To think that a son of mine should grow up to be a sissy - me, chief assistant to the assistant chief! I suppose you realise, son, if this was to get around, we might never get self-Government.
Swann: I won't eat people!
Flanders: Have you been talking to one of your mothers again? You're not getting to be one of these cranks who think that eating people is cruel, are you? Seeing the man sitting in the pot and you think he's suffering. Oh, it's not like that at all. Why, he's just had an invigourating chase through the forest, sitting there in the nice warm water with all the carrots and dumplings and things, he's thinking, "Oh, the pleasure and happiness I'm going to give to a heap of people". That man in the pot there, he enjoys it!
Swann: Eating people is wrong!
Flanders: Look son, son, I admire your sincerity. Always be sincere... whether you mean it or not. But you're young, you're young, when you're young you think you can change the whole world overnight, even eating people - I know, I've been young myself. Take it from your old Dad, you've just got to learnt to take the world as it is.
Swann: I won't let another man pass my lips!
Flanders: I know why you say "Don't eat people", because you are a coward, Francis, that's your trouble. Yes, a yellow-livered coward. You wouldn't mind eating people if you weren't afraid of ending up in the pot yourself - how despicable! If you go on like this you're liable to get ME into hot water.
Swann: I won't eat people.
Flanders: That's enough!
Swann: I don't eat people.
Flanders: I don't want to...
Swann: Eating people is wrong!
Flanders: Communist!
Flanders: Going around saying "Don't eat people",
That's the way to make people hate'ya.
We always have eaten people, always will eat people,
You can't change human nature.
Flanders: Now let's try...
Swann: I won't eat people,
I don't eat people,
I won't eat people,
I don't eat people!
Flanders: Must have been someone he ate!
Swann: Eating people is out!
Flanders: I give up, I give up, you used to be a regular anthrophagi. If this crazy idealistic idea of yours was to catch on, I just dunno where we would all be. Just about ruin our entire internal economy. Fortunately, I suppose it's catching on isn't really very likely - why, you might just as well going around saying "Don't fight people", for example...
Swann: Don't fight people? Ha, ha! Don't fight people?! Ha ha ha!
Flanders: There, imagine? There, you see! All part of the same...
Both: (laughing) ... fantastical impossibility!
Flanders: That's the boy!
Both: RIDICULOUS!
Posted by: bruce ||
08/17/2007 7:11 Comments ||
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#6
bruce, I'm sure that dropped the toothpicks right out of their mouths! Encore!!
#16
Recently, a large corporation hired several cannibals to increase their diversity. "You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees." The cannibals promised they would not.
Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We have noticed a marked increase in the
whole company's performance. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads, "No."
After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly. "You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But NOOOooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something!"
#17
Pepsi Cola's most successful American salesman was growing bored with trying to drum up new domestic accounts. In a flash of inspiration he decided to expand his market overseas. He took the globe on his desktop, spun it quickly, and jabbed a finger down at random. Beneath his fingertip lay the outline of Africa, so it was off to the dark continent to sell Pepsi.
Driving in his Pepsi truck through the African hinterland, he was ambushed and captured by cannibals. They trussed him up, commandeered his truck and drove back to their village. Out came the enormous cauldron which they then filled with Pepsi. Into the pot went the poor salesman. They proceded to cook him in his own Pepsi.
#18
Real story. A older friend of the family was one of the early missionaries to New Guinea. He would do deputations in the inner tribes. This story was while the Japanese occupied the edges of the island.
He came to a village and noticed fresh knuckle bones in the fire pit.
He then went on to have his service. He got to the communion part and they congregation told him he could skip it as they had a real one the night before.
Cannibals tend to respect Christianity because in our Eucharist we eat our god.
I'm not real up on my Indian news, but I thought the Hindus respected *all* animal life, just putting cows above the others. I guess not!
NEW DELHI - New Delhi's stray dogs lead a difficult life. (better than in N. Korea)
But if it was up to one city councilor, they would find themselves in more hot water soup to be precise.
Shipping the thousands of strays to Korea, where dog meat is widely consumed in soup, was one of the more outlandish ideas proposed at a city council meeting to deal with the problem, the Hindustan Times newspaper reported Thursday. Probably not so "outlandish" to those who are barely scraping by on tree bark and grass soups.
None of the ideas from the aforementioned Korean plan to drugging the canines so they sleep through the day are likely to be implemented anytime soon. Instead, the council chairman asked the presumably more responsible veterinary department to come up with a workable plan. *snicker* The veterinary department is more responsible than the City Council, LOL! Sounds awfully familiar to here.
Tens of thousands of strays live in New Delhi. Many are often cared for by people in the areas they live, but some become aggressive, and bites and rabies are a problem. Efforts to sterilize them have been largely unsuccessful.
City councilor Mohan Prashad Bharadwaj said he had read that Koreans are fond of dog meat and "maybe we can send all the stray dogs of Delhi there," the paper quoted him as saying.
A soup with dog meat called boshintang is popular in Korea, especially on the three hot "dog days" of summer on the lunar calendar. (I'ma bettin' that right now, the NKor's would eat it on the other 362 days of the year also)
The traditional belief is that dog meat helps boost stamina and virility, but activists regularly criticize the practice and call for bans on eating dog meat.
City officials could not immediately be reached for comment. They were too busy chuckling amongst themselves about the matter.
Posted by: BA ||
08/17/2007 08:13 ||
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#1
Shipping the thousands of strays to Korea, where dog meat is widely consumed in soup...
Except, there are millions of stray dogs in New Delhi alone. They'd make a great cash crop, if you could catch them and clean (not wash) them without the peasants revolting.
The Dog Catchers are routinely chased by residents that like the dogs. They are some mangy curs too! The dogs that is, but, some of the residents too.
Posted by: Natural Law ||
08/17/2007 13:22 Comments ||
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#2
Industrially processing the stray dogs for food would be one helluva a lot more humane than what Vick was doing to his animals.
#3
Most of the stray dogs I saw in Bangalore (I doubt New Delhi is any different) looked like they were near starvation. It would take a lot of them to make a decent meal. Of course, the North Koreans would probably be glad for anything.
#4
Most of the stray dogs I saw in Bangalore (I doubt New Delhi is any different) looked like they were near starvation.
I suppose it depends on the neighborhood, in Muslim 'hoods the dogs are SOL, same with the slums. But in your middle middle-class 'hood, quite a few of the dogs are rather plump, as the people feed them.
You've never smelled dog crap until you've smelled it from a dog fed on curry and chapatis. Also, it depends on how well the garbage is handled for any given area, which in India can be a wide variable.
Posted by: Natural Law ||
08/17/2007 18:44 Comments ||
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#5
You've never smelled dog crap until you've smelled it from a dog fed on curry and chapatis.
Jeebus, just reading that gives me the heebie-jeebies. Feeding my wolf-hybrid some cheese produces emanations that simultaneously violate multiple sections of the Geneva Conventions. Curry and chapatis? Geddouddahere!
Mira is one of the best known variable stars. Over the course of a year, it goes from magnitude 3.5 or so (easily visible naked eye) down to magnitude 9 (telescope needed) and back again.
Posted by: Mike ||
08/17/2007 06:28 ||
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Because of recent cases of student sex videos involving young high school students in the area the local government of Indramayu in West Java intends to carry out tests on several thousand teen girls (in the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth year of high school) to determine whether they are still virgins.
The regent of Indramayu, H Irianto MS Syarifudin, speaking on the sidelines of a book burning event, explained: The point of the examination is to inform parents of the status of their daughters virginity. If a girl was found to have lost her virginity her parents would be called into the school.
The overall purpose of the tests was: To make parents watch over the children better, so that later they cant just blame the schools or the teachers. The plan in the district, long known as a centre of the sex trade, has aroused much opposition.
#5
carry out tests on several thousand teen girls (in the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth year of high school) to determine whether they are still virgins.
How can you tell, you rotten lousy shits? If a girl has inserted a tampon the tests will probably indicate penalties are warranted.
Fuck off and die in a rotting and eternal sulphurous hell you stinking worthless putrescent obsessive puritanical bastards.
A multi-volume chronology and reference guide set detailing three years of the Mexican Drug War between 2010 and 2012.
Rantburg.com and borderlandbeat.com correspondent and author Chris Covert presents his first non-fiction work detailing
the drug and gang related violence in Mexico.
Chris gives us Mexican press dispatches of drug and gang war violence
over three years, presented in a multi volume set intended to chronicle the death, violence and mayhem which has
dominated Mexico for six years.
Rantburg was assembled from recycled algorithms in the United States of America. No
trees were destroyed in the production of this weblog. We did hurt some, though. Sorry.
A drunken man in Mainz, Germany, was arrested after he attempted to hold up a bank there armed with get this a water pistol and a potato peeler.
Because of recent cases of student sex videos involving young high school students in the area the local government of Indramayu in West Java intends to carry out tests on several thousand teen girls (in the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth year of high school) to determine whether they are still virgins.
