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2006-07-11 -Short Attention Span Theater-
Calif. man makes bad writing judges cringe
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Posted by tu3031 2006-07-11 08:03|| || Front Page|| [11129 views since 2007-05-07]  Top

#1 ROFLMAO! Wonderful entry! Kudos and congratulations, Jim. That sucks beyond belief! Awesome!
Posted by Wheang Spavirong9833 2006-07-11 09:05||   2006-07-11 09:05|| Front Page Top

#2 Are we sure this guy wasn't Rantburg trained?
Posted by mcsegeek1 2006-07-11 09:17||   2006-07-11 09:17|| Front Page Top

#3 Does SJSU know about Joe?
Posted by ed 2006-07-11 09:18||   2006-07-11 09:18|| Front Page Top

#4 I could rewrite that for a pretty decent intro.

"Detective Bart Lasiter studied the super burrito illuminated by the light from his offices's one small window.

The door swung open revealing a woman. Her body said you've had your last burrito for a while, her face said angels did exist and her eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean.
Posted by phil_b">phil_b  2006-07-11 09:41|| http://autonomousoperation.blogspot.com/]">[http://autonomousoperation.blogspot.com/]  2006-07-11 09:41|| Front Page Top

#5 I would have went with the cheesy romance novel approach myself, but the competition in that category is stiff.
Posted by bigjim-ky 2006-07-11 10:37||   2006-07-11 10:37|| Front Page Top

#6 looking upon her comelyness, his burrito stiffened noticeably...
Posted by Frank G 2006-07-11 12:00||   2006-07-11 12:00|| Front Page Top

#7 The contest is named for Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, whose 1830 novel "Paul Clifford" began with the oft-mocked, "It was a dark and stormy night."

I've never understood why "It was a dark and stormy night" is considered bad writing, unless you think that all nights are dark, in which case you've never spent much time without artificial lighting.

However, Paul Clifford actually begins:

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the house-tops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.

Now that's bad.

I keep meaning to enter this contest, and keep forgetting when the deadline is.
Posted by Angie Schultz 2006-07-11 12:11||   2006-07-11 12:11|| Front Page Top

#8 Angie, the official deadline should be easy for you to remember-- April 15th--, but the actual deadline may be as late as June 30.
However, the contest accepts submissions every day
of the year. and Phil you'ree limited to just one awful sentence... See rules here.
Posted by GK 2006-07-11 14:39||   2006-07-11 14:39|| Front Page Top

#9 The full 2006 results are up here.

The Runner-Up was fantastic, too:

"I know what you're thinking, punk," hissed Wordy Harry to his new editor, "you're thinking, 'Did he use six superfluous adjectives or only five?' - and to tell the truth, I forgot myself in all this excitement; but being as this is English, the most powerful language in the world, whose subtle nuances will blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' - well do you, punk?"

Stuart Vasepuru
Edinburgh, Scotland

Simply awesome talent!
Posted by Wheang Spavirong9833 2006-07-11 16:35||   2006-07-11 16:35|| Front Page Top

#10 They have a new category, LOL.

Special Salute to Breasts Category

As she sashayed out of the police station, her high heels clicking a staccato rhythm on the hard tile floor, like a one-armed castanet player in a very bad mariachi band, her ample bosom held in check only by a diaphanous blouse, and bouncing at each step like a 1959 tricked out Low-rider Chevy with very good hydraulics---she smiled to herself as she thought of the titillating interrogation from Detective Tipple about the Twin Peaks Melon Heist.
Wayne Spivey, Major, USAF Retired
Huntsville, Texas

When she sashayed across the room, her breasts swayed like two house trailers passing on a windy bridge.
Stan Higley
Fairport, NY

Although Brandi had been named Valedictorian and the outfit for her speech carefully chosen to prove that beauty and brains could indeed mix, she suddenly regretted her choice of attire, her rain-soaked T-shirt now valiantly engaging in the titanic struggle between the tensile strength of cotton and Newton's first law of motion.
Mark Schweizer
Hopkinsville, KY
Posted by Whinemble Glereling7144 2006-07-11 18:12||   2006-07-11 18:12|| Front Page Top

23:37 Seafarious
23:35 ed
23:31 GK
23:12 Russian Peasant
23:11 DanNY
22:55 flyover
22:46 bombay
22:45 RD
22:45 badanov
22:38 ExtremeModerate
22:36 RD
22:35 Alaska Paul
22:35 bombay
22:32 Frank G
22:29 tu3031
22:29 Frank G
22:27 BA
22:26 Frank G
22:24 Frank G
22:21 Fordesque
22:16 whitecollar redneck
22:12 Alaska Paul
22:08 Alaska Paul
22:03 bigjim-ky









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