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2006-09-14 -Short Attention Span Theater-
Report: Majority Of Americans Unprepared For Apocalypse
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Posted by Crique Anganter8937 2006-09-14 00:00|| || Front Page|| [11135 views since 2007-05-07]  Top

#1 We must prevent a mineshaft gap!
Posted by Eric Jablow">Eric Jablow  2006-09-14 00:09||   2006-09-14 00:09|| Front Page Top

#2 "Mein Fuhrer, I can walk!"
Posted by borgboy 2006-09-14 00:19||   2006-09-14 00:19|| Front Page Top

#3 "Hosts of angels..." > does this mean the job description of DHS is to shoot down Jesus Christ, etal wid a STANDARD MISSLE, or HELLFIRE from a Global Hawk??? May explain the rider-less winged horse ala FATIMA's notorious THIRD SECRET, which of course sub-explains why GABRIEL has a sword to slice and dice the earth apart like an apple. LIKE A GINSU, GABRIEL, LIKE A GINSU.
Posted by JosephMendiola 2006-09-14 01:03||   2006-09-14 01:03|| Front Page Top

#4 Of course you know its Dubya's and only Dubya's fault Jesus was shot down by DHS, NOT the innocents that conspired andor atacked the WTC on 9-11. DHS was "forced" to shoot Christ down - absolutely and undeniably, unequivocaly and only coincidentally, "forced to" they say.
Posted by JosephMendiola 2006-09-14 01:07||   2006-09-14 01:07|| Front Page Top

#5 the simplest precautions against nuclear shockwaves, asteroid impact, or a host of angels bearing swords of fire

fireproof suits and extinguishers to deal with volcanic upheaval, solar flares, or the Lord's purifying flame

a sudden shift in the Earth's polarity or the eating of the Sun and moon by evil wolves Skol and Hati during Ragnarok

a mile-deep, lead-lined subterranean vault built to shield a pre-selected breeding group of humans

the average household lacks the 1.2 million gallons of heating oil needed to withstand the prolonged sub-zero temperatures of another protracted Ice Age

a torrential rain of boiling blood

cantilevered leaden cofferdams for increased earthquake and radiation protection

a major gravitational disruption

Hoo boy! Where to start with such gem-quality grade material?

EMP barrier blanket? Check!

Asteroid impact airbag? Check!

Anti-flaming-angel-sword asbestos shield? Check!

Refractory carbide lava diversion baffles? Check!

Ionization proof high reflectivity mirrored solar flare escape booth? Check!

Nomex tuxedo to meet with Lord’s purifying flame? Check!

Polarity shift dampening Faraday cloak? Check!

Solunar poisoned wolf bait? Check!

Lead-lined salt dome? Check!

Genomically pre-selected breeding harem? Check!

Two Olympic swimming pools filled with heating oil? Check!

High temperature blood-borne pathogen deluge scuba suit? Check!

Seismically mounted cantilevered leaden cofferdams in attic? Check!

And most important of all …

Size XXXL Mil-Spec all weather tinfoil hat? Check!
Posted by Zenster 2006-09-14 01:11||   2006-09-14 01:11|| Front Page Top

#6 ... the nonpartisan doomsday think-tank The Malthusian Institute.

LOL! When those guys are good, they're good.
Posted by xbalanke 2006-09-14 12:06||   2006-09-14 12:06|| Front Page Top

#7 *applause* Zenster. Well done!
Posted by flyover 2006-09-14 12:42||   2006-09-14 12:42|| Front Page Top

#8 May I add that 99.9999% of all Americans are not prepared for death. That is unless they are going to hell. Oh, and for those who go to church all the time, and your church thinks being gay is okay, or your priests are boinking the alter boys, see you there in the square. Being stuck on stupid is no excuse.
Posted by wxjames 2006-09-14 13:03||   2006-09-14 13:03|| Front Page Top

#9 Whoa, the end days are here! Dr. Steve's highlighter is running out of ink.
Posted by Nimble Spemble 2006-09-14 13:16||   2006-09-14 13:16|| Front Page Top

#10 Don't be silly, Nimble Spemble, Scooter McGruder announced himself as the new Pepto Bismol pink moderator a few days ago. And an appropriate warning he gives, too.
Posted by trailing wife 2006-09-14 14:10||   2006-09-14 14:10|| Front Page Top

#11 I still have a pair of Asbestos underoos from my Usenet Flamewar days. Does that count?
Posted by CrazyFool 2006-09-14 14:42||   2006-09-14 14:42|| Front Page Top

#12 LOL, CF... Played the Godwin's Law gambit a few too many times?
Posted by flyover 2006-09-14 14:49||   2006-09-14 14:49|| Front Page Top

#13 I'm not afraid of dying...
I just don't want to be there when it happens...
Posted by Capsu78 2006-09-14 15:18||   2006-09-14 15:18|| Front Page Top

#14 Played the Godwin's Law gambit a few too many times?

Permit me to introduce you to the new variant: Darwin's "F" Law.

Whereby, in any acronym that contains the letter "F", that word will eventually evolve to stand for "F&ck".

Posted by Zenster 2006-09-14 15:23||   2006-09-14 15:23|| Front Page Top

#15 Oh, and for those who go to church all the time, and your church thinks being gay is okay, or your priests are boinking the alter boys, see you there in the square. Being stuck on stupid is no excuse.

Does that include Hinjooos?
Posted by 6 2006-09-14 17:27||   2006-09-14 17:27|| Front Page Top

#16 "The study found that fewer than one thousand Americans regularly monitored space for signs of an approaching hostile alien ship"

I'm on it.
Posted by J. D. Lux 2006-09-14 22:27||   2006-09-14 22:27|| Front Page Top

#17 Anti-flaming-angel-sword asbestos shield? Check!

Bzzzzt!!!

Ahem!

Asbestos usage violates a number of EPA regulations as well as international environmental laws. I'm terribly sorry, but that shield simply cannot be allowed in direct contact with either the Legions of Jehovah, Lord God Almighty, or the Hordes of Satan, Lord of the Earth.

You have been warned.

Posted by FOTSGreg">FOTSGreg  2006-09-14 23:22|| www.fire-on-the-suns.com]">[www.fire-on-the-suns.com]  2006-09-14 23:22|| Front Page Top

#18 I think the Hordes of Satan have a lot more to worry about than asbestosis.
Posted by Zenster 2006-09-14 23:42||   2006-09-14 23:42|| Front Page Top

21:23 Private Joker
23:59 GORT
23:55 Hupuck Hupaigum2230
23:42 Zenster
23:37 muck4doo
23:36 Zenster
23:31 Zenster
23:23 Zenster
23:22 FOTSGreg
23:18 Zenster
23:14 Thoth
23:10 CrazyFool
23:10 FOTSGreg
22:55 Barbara Skolaut
22:55 anonymous2u
22:52 FOTSGreg
22:50 Barbara Skolaut
22:50 Frank G
22:49 Barbara Skolaut
22:49 Lancasters Over Dresden
22:47 DMFD
22:44 Barbara Skolaut
22:43 Anguper Hupomosing9418
22:42 milford421









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