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2007-05-17 Home Front: Culture Wars

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Posted by Fred 2007-05-17 00:00|| || Front Page|| [5 views ] Top

#1 How do the looney tunes connect Noah's Ark to global warming?

Posted by Woozle Elmeter2970 2007-05-17 01:22|| 2007-05-17 01:22|| Front Page Top

#2 They picked a location where the French couldn't sink it.

Posted by PBMcL 2007-05-17 01:59|| 2007-05-17 01:59|| Front Page Top

#3 Woozle, they want to associate the dire condition of the planet being 'destroyed' by global warning, with the 'fear' that the 'Ark Project' represents in setting a finite time of irreversible consequences. I'm surprised, if true, that the Turkish government would allow this project, being that they have always resisted such exploratory ventures in the past to find and dig out the 'Real Ark' being a Holy and a revered site, that is! However I wonder; will they build it to scale, or a reduction model? Whatever, I hope they atleast get the design right; the rectangular chest rather than the 'Pita' shape, we see in the picture above!!

Posted by smn 2007-05-17 03:01|| 2007-05-17 03:01|| Front Page Top

#4 I wonder how many trees they will chop down.

Posted by Bunyip 2007-05-17 04:47|| 2007-05-17 04:47|| Front Page Top

#5 will they build it to scale, or a reduction model?

Quite likely over large, if they manage to follow the directions precisely, smn. As I recall, the dimensions were given in cubits, which is the length from the elbow to the tip of the middle finger. But people were considerably shorter in ancient times, so it follows that their cubits would have been shorter than that of most Westerners (not me, of course, but then I'm closer to the ancient average height than probably 90% of you who read this post).

Posted by trailing wife 2007-05-17 08:15|| 2007-05-17 08:15|| Front Page Top

#6 Those are carbon cubits.

Posted by Threaque Mussolini5802 2007-05-17 08:38|| 2007-05-17 08:38|| Front Page Top

#7 What's a cubit?

Posted by doc 2007-05-17 08:52|| 2007-05-17 08:52|| Front Page Top

#8 The biblical measurement used to build the ark, doc.

As I said on another blog, I can't figure out where they got this idea, since most of them seem to be rabid followers of the Goracle, not Jesus.

Posted by Barbara Skolaut">Barbara Skolaut 2007-05-17 09:10|| http://ariellestjohndesigns.com/]">[http://ariellestjohndesigns.com/] 2007-05-17 09:10|| Front Page Top

#9 Riiiiiiiiight.

What's a cubit?

[/Cosby]

Posted by eLarson 2007-05-17 09:19|| 2007-05-17 09:19|| Front Page Top

#10 God:Umm...lets see I used to know what a cubit was. (cosby)

Posted by Enver Spavique5942 2007-05-17 09:50|| 2007-05-17 09:50|| Front Page Top

#11 Noah: Let it rain for 40 days and 40 nights, then wait for the sewers to back up.

God: Riiiiiiight!

(/Cosby)

HEY, the Paleos really ARE the targetted people!

Be sure to try the veal, I'll be here all week.

Posted by AlanC 2007-05-17 10:34|| 2007-05-17 10:34|| Front Page Top

#12 OK, Rantburgers, since we are on to such lunacy today, Ima gonna tell you an Ark-related story. Gather around everyone:

I'll tell you an old-fashioned story
That grandfather used to relate,
Of a builder and joining contractor
Who's name it were Sam Oswaldthwaite.

In a shop on the banks of the Irwell
There Sam used to follow his trade,
In a place you'll have heard of called Bury
You know, where black puddings is made.

One day Sam were filling a knot hole
With putty when in through the door,
Came an old man fair reeked i'whiskers
An th'old man said good morning I'm Noah.

Sam asked Noah what were his business
And t'old chap went on to remark,
That not liking the look of the weather
He was thinking of building an ark.

He'd got all the wood for the bulwarks
And all t'other shipbuilding junk,
Now he wanted some nice birds-eye maple
To panel the sides of his bunk.

Now maple were Sams mono-pol-y
That means it were all his to cut,
And nobody else hadn't got none
So he asked Noah three ha'pence a foot.

A ha'penny too much replied Noah
Penny a foots more the mark,
A penny a foot and when rain comes
I'll give you a ride in my ark.

But neither would budge in the bargain
The whole thing were kind of a jam,
So Sam put his tongue out at Noah
And Noah made long bacon at Sam.

In wrath and ill-feeling they parted
Not knowing when they'd meet again,
And Sam 'ad forgot all about it
'Til one day it started to rain.

It rained and it rained for a fortnight
It flooded the whole countryside,
It rained and it still kept on raining
'Til th'Irwell were fifty miles wide.

The houses were soon under water
And folks to the roof had to climb,
They said t'was the rottenest summer
As Bury had had for some time.

The rain showed no sign of abating
And water rose hour by hour,
'Til th'only dry land were at Blackpool
and that were on top of the tower.

So Sam started swimming for Blackpool
It took him best part of a week,
His clothes were wet through when he got there
And his boots were beginning to leak.

He stood to his watch-chain in water
On tower-top just before dark,
When who should come sailing towards him
But old Noah steering his ark.

They stared at each other in silence
'Til ark were alongside all but,
Then Noah said what price yon maple
Sam answered three ha'pence a foot.

Noah said nay I'll make thee an offer
Same as I did t'other day,
A penny a foot and a free ride
Now come on lad what do thee say.

Three ha'pence a foot came the answer
So Noah his sail had to hoist,
And sail off again in a dudgeon
While Sam stood determined but moist.

So Noah cruised around flying his pigeons
'Til fortieth day of the wet,
And on his way home passing Blackpool
He saw old Sam standing there yet.

His chin just stuck out of the water
A comical figure he cut,
Noah said now whats the price of yon maple
And Sam answered three ha'pence a foot.

Said Noah you'd best take my offer
It's the last time I'll be hereabouts,
And if water comes half an inch higher
I'll happen get maple for nowt.

Three ha'pence a foot it'll cost you
And as for me Sam says don't fret,
'Skys took a turn since this morning
I think it'll brighten up yet.

"Thou art wrong!" said Noah
"It will rain alot more, I'll be bound!
Come on, lad, sell us yer maple."
"Bugger off," said Sam
And then drowned

Posted by Alaska Paul">Alaska Paul 2007-05-17 11:05|| 2007-05-17 11:05|| Front Page Top

#13 Noah's Ark was taller than a 3-story building and had a deck area the size of 36 lawn tennis courts. Its length was 300 cubits (450 feet, or 135 meters); its width was 50 cubits (75 feet, or 22.5 meters); it had three stories and its height was 30 cubits (45 feet, or 13.5 meters).

That's fine my little friends. Just make sure when you're done with your little show, that you take it with you.
All of it...

Posted by tu3031 2007-05-17 11:16|| 2007-05-17 11:16|| Front Page Top

#14 The biblical record indicates that Noah and his three sons took about 50 years to build the Ark! In size the Ark was 300 cubits long, 50 cubits wide, and 30 cubits high. Conservatively calculating the cubit as 44.5 cm (17.5 in.) (some think the ancient cubit was nearer 56 or 61 cm), the ark measured 133.5 m by 22.3 m by 13.4 m (437 ft 6 in. × 72 ft 11 in. × 43 ft 9 in.), less than half the length of the ocean liner Queen Elizabeth 2. This proportion of length to width (6 to 1) is used by modern naval architects. This gave the Ark approximately 40,000 cu m (1,400,000 cu ft) in gross volume. It is estimated that such a vessel would have a displacement nearly equal to that of the mighty 269-m (883 ft) Titanic of 1912. No cargo vessel of ancient times even slightly resembled the ark in its colossal size. Internally strengthened by adding two floors, the three decks thus provided gave a total of about 8,900 sq m (96,000 sq ft) of space.

Posted by smn 2007-05-17 13:11|| 2007-05-17 13:11|| Front Page Top

#15 I guess stubborness is heavier than water, 'cause if it were lighter, Sam would still be bobbing around somewhere.

Posted by wxjames 2007-05-17 13:22|| 2007-05-17 13:22|| Front Page Top

#16 BTW, the REAL Ark has been broken into two parts and has slid several hundred feet from each other by an ancient earthquake on Ararat. On exceptionally hot summers, a small section of one of the halves can be seen as a solid black rock mass (petrified wood) protruding from the normally 200 feet of solid ice that encompasses it!

Posted by smn 2007-05-17 13:22|| 2007-05-17 13:22|| Front Page Top

#17 Yep, a noted crop circle points at it.

Posted by Shipman">Shipman 2007-05-17 18:19|| 2007-05-17 18:19|| Front Page Top

#18 So, is the damn thing registered in Panama or Liberia?

Posted by GORT 2007-05-17 19:26|| 2007-05-17 19:26|| Front Page Top

#19 When I yam in a foul mood, like today, I go out to a farmer's field, where the cows graze, gather up all the manure in a wheel barrow and make crap circles.

Posted by Alaska Paul">Alaska Paul 2007-05-17 19:41|| 2007-05-17 19:41|| Front Page Top

#20 #19 When I yam in a foul mood, like today, I go out to a farmer's field, where the cows graze, gather up all the manure in a wheel barrow and make crap circles.

LMAO! I practically s*it a ring around myself reading thatr!

Posted by Red Dog">Red Dog 2007-05-17 20:31|| 2007-05-17 20:31|| Front Page Top

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