Article

2006-10-15 -Short Attention Span Theater-

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Posted by Zenster 2006-10-15 04:23|| || Front Page|| [5 views since 2007-05-07] Top

#1 1 Hawg
2 Quahogs
3 Kegs
4 maids a milking
5 golden streams (back to the keg)
6 Cubans
7 Shovels
8 Neighbors watching
9 Speakers screaming
10 Hundred pounds charcoal.

Take your Cubans in hand and supply each with a shovel and a quart from the keg. Allow 10 minutes for admiring shovels and topping off.

Commence to dig in your neighbors lawn a 3 bi 5 pit that's approximately 3 bi 5 and about just so deep. Giver your Cubans a break and a beer.

Now rested it time to line the 3 bi 5 pit with em charcoal.

~~Get out the Alabama Gas Pump~~

Send a Cuban to the all-nite BBQ store for liter fluid.

Time fora break. A quart to your Cubans is in order. Maybe a little singing.

Now, find your hawg. It'n usually in the cooler, unless it's not.

Now, throw down some salt on 'em hawg to delay onset of italics.

FUCK! You didn't light the damn charcoal two hours ago? Gawd amighty! Cubans!

Well, hell, light the charcoal. This is a good time for a quart all around. Keeps the morale up around daybreak.

At this point malingering is a possibility. Open the 2nd kek and await reinforcerments.

Putem hawg on topa charcoals. Kover.

Nap for 4 hours.
Kicker your Cubans, Order takeout sammiches.

Itn be ready tomorrow. Maybe.

Posted by Shipman 2006-10-15 06:16|| 2006-10-15 06:16|| Front Page Top

#2 Lol, Ship!

Posted by .com 2006-10-15 06:22|| 2006-10-15 06:22|| Front Page Top

#3 I don't know the technicalities of making a link in the index of rantburg recipes this site is more complex these days.

But I would like to submit to you a very satisfying and nutritious soup.

I would like to call it

The Mother of all Ramadans

not because it's the best but because that name is not taken and I like the mother of all.... joke as it hasn't been around for a while.

Mother of all Ramadan soup:

1) get a couple of good size hambones from the butcher. Also get about 1kg of bacon bones
2) simmer them for a good 4 hours in a large saucepan/soup pot. Put just enough water to cover the bones
3) add dried barley/split pea soup mix
4) add vegetable stock, a bit of beef stock, salt and pepper, 1 large chopped onion OR 1 chopped leek
5) simmer for another hour
6) add (chopped) 1 large parsnip, 1 large swede (taking out some of the bacon bones for room if necessary). Add about 4 carrots and half a celery bunch (about equal quantities).
7) simmer for another couple of hours. Keep tasting. As necessary add stock, maybe a teaspoon or two of gravy mix (helps thicken).
8) enjoy, freeze portions for eating later in the week.

It is very satisfying, thick soup.

Posted by anon1 2006-10-15 07:03|| 2006-10-15 07:03|| Front Page Top

#4 anon1, I think the link thingy to the recipe master index is some sort of Zenster deep black magic. You'd be well advised to stay as far away from even thinking about it as possible. ;-)

Shipman, may I borrow your Cubans some time? It's useful to have someone to kick when I forget the key step again.

Posted by trailing wife 2006-10-15 08:22|| 2006-10-15 08:22|| Front Page Top

#5 pit dug in ground and lined with stones or briquettes = Cuban crock pot

Posted by .com 2006-10-15 08:24|| 2006-10-15 08:24|| Front Page Top

#6 Translation please: what are bacon bones, and what kind of vegetable is a Swede?

A Cuban crockpot? My education is increasing again. Thanks. .com! ;-)

Posted by trailing wife 2006-10-15 08:31|| 2006-10-15 08:31|| Front Page Top

#7 Sorry, tw - I was just making light of Ship's post. The pit is where BBQ began, so I trespassed on truly hallowed (hollowed? lol) ground there. Apologies, heh.

Posted by .com 2006-10-15 08:35|| 2006-10-15 08:35|| Front Page Top

#8 He giveth education with one hand, and taketh it away with the other. *sigh* Someday I'll be so knowledgeable that I won't be so gullible, .com. At least it wasn't one of the comments that, when I ask, I'm told I really don't want to know.

Posted by trailing wife 2006-10-15 08:43|| 2006-10-15 08:43|| Front Page Top

#9 Some folks take their pit-roasted barbeque seriously, that's for sure.

Best way, absolutley the best way to do it, if it's done right.

No Cubans or any other helpers were harmed or denigrated in the making of this post. The pig's in trouble, though.

Posted by lotp 2006-10-15 08:44|| 2006-10-15 08:44|| Front Page Top

#10 TW, IIRC a 'swede' is what we call a rutabaga.

Don't know about the bacon bones, tho. Ham hocks might work well for the soup ... they do in a version that I make.

Posted by lotp 2006-10-15 08:46|| 2006-10-15 08:46|| Front Page Top

#11 a Shipman classic!

Posted by Frank G">Frank G 2006-10-15 08:53|| 2006-10-15 08:53|| Front Page Top

#12 He's been channeling Lucky some lately, too. Melike 'em both, lol.

Posted by .com 2006-10-15 08:55|| 2006-10-15 08:55|| Front Page Top

#13 Hello all! Dear Trailing Wife, thank you, I hear and obey. I am very easily confused so I will stay far, far away from that technical wizardry.

Now parsnips are a root vegetable shaped like a big white carrot only bigger, longer and fatter up top/skinnier down the bottom. They are very tasty in soup.

A swede is a funny round sort of a root vegetable with a reddish skin (peel it off) and the flesh inside is hard and yellowish. You can get pretty big ones. Also nice in soup. They give a really lovely flavour only subtle, so you need to really pack the soup with as many as you can fit.

Bacon bones are smaller than a big ham bone. They are very salty but don't give the soup much body.
Ham bones are really long. They are the bones left after the butcher slices the ham off.

In Australia we probably call vegetables different names than what they are in the US.

Posted by anon1 2006-10-15 08:59|| 2006-10-15 08:59|| Front Page Top

#14 Oops I am being completely devastated by technology today, this time it was my computer: the cursor jumped up right as I was typing and i didn't see!

Please NOTE: don't pack your soup with Swedes, pack your soup with Ham Bones: they are the subtle taste that you need to pack. You only need one swede!!

Posted by anon1 2006-10-15 09:01|| 2006-10-15 09:01|| Front Page Top

#15 From Wikipedia,

"Rutabaga" (from dialectal Swedish rotabagge) is the American term, while "swede" is the term used in much of England. Its common name in Sweden is "Kålrot" (Cabbage root). It is also known as the "Swedish turnip" or "yellow turnip". To the Scots, the Irish, and some of the Northern English it is called "turnip", or colloquially, especially in Scotland, "neep"the vegetable known elsewhere as a turnip being called a "swede" or a "white turnip" in Scotland. In the US, rutabagas may also be called "yellow turnips." In Atlantic Canada, white turnips are relatively unknown, with rutabagas being known simply as turnips.

I hope that clears up any confusion.

Posted by phil_b 2006-10-15 09:16|| 2006-10-15 09:16|| Front Page Top

#16 It's just amazing what you can learn about root vegetable terminology while following the War on Terror.

As far as vegetables go, it was always Grandma's turnip greens that terrified me.

Posted by Darrell 2006-10-15 10:46|| 2006-10-15 10:46|| Front Page Top

#17 So one day Sven and Ollie were reading Rantburg and came upon this recipe that called for one bi Swede.
Haf you seen Olga? quipped Swen.

Be here all week, try the soup, it is delicious.

Posted by USN,Ret 2006-10-15 20:52|| 2006-10-15 20:52|| Front Page Top

#18 It was the part about peeling the Swede that got my attention LOL.

Posted by lotp 2006-10-15 21:01|| 2006-10-15 21:01|| Front Page Top

#19 Meatloaf
Classic American comfort food

Preparation Time: 90 Minutes

Serves: 6-8 People

Ingredients:

½ Pound Ground Beef (15% fat content or less)
½ Pound Ground Pork
½ Pound Ground Veal (extra beef, pork or sausage may be substituted)
3 Scallions (include both white and green part)
2 Cloves Garlic
2 Eggs
1-2 Cups Coarse Fresh Breadcrumbs (panko may be substituted)
1 Large Yellow Onion
½ Cup Heinz Ketchup or Chili Sauce
¼ Cup Chopped Parsley
½-1 TBS Salt
¼-½ TSP Cracked Black Pepper
Dash of Worcestershire Sauce (or more)
Dash of Crystal Hot Sauce
Dash of Cayenne powder

Optional:

Italian or country style sausage may be substituted for the ground pork. Other spices like paprika, celery powder or oregano may also be used. Garlic or onion powder may be substituted for faster preparation although the flavor will not be as intense.

Sometimes one or two hard-boiled eggs are buried in the meatloaf's interior. Instructional notes for this technique are provided below.

Preparation:

Preheat the oven to 350-400F. Mix the meats together in a large mixing bowl. Grate the onion into pulp and crush or mince the garlic finely and add. Blend in the chopped parsley, minced green onions plus the spices, salt and pepper. Separate the eggs and beat one white with two yolks until creamy. Add the beaten egg to the meat mixture along with half a cup of the breadcrumbs. Knead until completely blended.

Oil the interior of a glass loaf pan. Place a large sheet of waxed paper on a cutting board and spread the remaining breadcrumbs over it. Working in the bowl, form the ground meat into a large loaf shape. If you are including the hard-boiled eggs, now is the time to insert them. On a cutting board, form the meat into a loaf shape. Make two equally spaced two-inch deep pockets in the loafs topside and bury the eggs laying lengthwise with the loaf in the meat mixture. Close the ground meat over the pockets and proceed. Otherwise, just turn it out of the bowl onto the breadcrumbs and roll the loaf around until completely coated. Place the jacketed loaf into the bread pan and lightly press it into the correct shape. Avoid compressing the loaf too much as it will become dense and chewy during the cooking process.

Cover the loaf pan with aluminum foil and seal tightly. Place in preheated oven on middle rack. Periodically check the loaf and if it is submerged in drippings remove some but not all of them using a turkey baster. Leave some of the drippings so that the loaf will not dry out. After around twenty minutes or halfway through the cooking process, remove any excess drippings and coat the entire top of the loaf with the ketchup or chili sauce. Continue baking without foil until a nice crust has formed. By the time the loaf has finished baking all of the juices should run clear.

Remove the finished loaf from the oven and allow it to rest for ten minutes. Serve with caramelized onions, mashed potatoes and gravy. The drippings may be reserved and used to make gravy. Some variations describe a round loaf that is baked freestanding on a cookie sheet. When baking this sort of loaf, be sure to baste periodically with a mixture of beef broth and butter to prevent it from drying out.

Note: A traditional recipe calls for burying two peeled hard-boiled eggs in the loaf so that slices of egg are revealed in the portions when they are served. Be sure to cook the eggs rather soft so that they do not overcook while baking in the meatloaf.

For soft-cooked eggs, start them in a saucepan of cold water and bring to a full boil. Stir the eggs every few minutes as they reach a boil. This will help center the yolks for a more attractive presentation. Once the water is boiling, reduce the heat slightly and allow them to continue cooking for three minutes.

Turn off the heat and wait for another five to eight minutes. Run eggs under very cold water or plunge them into ice water to stop the cooking process. This also makes them easier to peel. Crack and peel the eggs immediately then reserve for later use. If you open one of the eggs at this point, it should have a creamy, almost semi-liquid golden yellow interior.

Posted by Zenster">Zenster 2006-10-15 21:28|| 2006-10-15 21:28|| Front Page Top

#20 Club Sandwich
Classic American Lunch Order

Preparation Time: 30 Minutes

Serves: 2 People

Ingredients:

8 Sliced Smoked Bacon
6 Slices White Bread (lightly toasted)
2-4 Slices Smoked Turkey Breast
2-4 Slices Smoked Ham
2 Leaves Iceberg Lettuce
1 Large Ripe Salad Tomato (avoid Roma or plum tomatoes)
2-4 TBS Hellmans Mayonnaise (once known as Best Foods)

Optional:

2 Thin Onion Slices (not traditional)
Thin sliced Cheddar cheese (not traditional)
Dab of mustard (not traditional)
Frill picks (sandwich length)

Preparation:

Fry the bacon over medium heat until crisp. Remove from pan and drain on paper towels. Blot the hot bacon with another paper towel to remove all residual grease. While the bacon fries, lightly toast the bread slices. This recipe works best with sliced oven-roasted turkey breast but deli-cut meats may be substituted. Lay out all slices of bread on a cutting board. Lightly spread each of them with the Mayonnaise. Place the ham, turkey and bacon each on different slices. Add thin sliced tomato over the bacon and turkey. If using mustard, cheese or onion, place that on the ham. Add leaves of lettuce to the turkey and bacon layers. Close the sandwiches with the ham and turkey facing each other and spear with a frill pick in four equal places. Cut on both of the diagonals and serve with potato chips.

Note: Most restaurants and sandwich shops only include turkey in a modern club sandwich. I find the hams flavor to be vital in making this a robust and satisfying luncheon dish.

Posted by Zenster">Zenster 2006-10-15 23:14|| 2006-10-15 23:14|| Front Page Top

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