Article

2010-01-19 -Short Attention Span Theater-

About to be eaten by a bear? There's an app for that!

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Posted by Mike 2010-01-19 09:49|| || Front Page|| [11133 views ] Top

#1 A New Jersey man, by the name of Steven Colbert...

Posted by Anonymoose 2010-01-19 10:13|| 2010-01-19 10:13|| Front Page Top

#2 What would you prefer to take care of a bear? A stinking i-phone providing digital sounds the bear will not even hear or forty pounds of Madeuce goodness?

Posted by JFM 2010-01-19 10:28|| 2010-01-19 10:28|| Front Page Top

#3 It's guaranteed to work, or yer money back!

Posted by Alaska Paul 2010-01-19 10:42|| 2010-01-19 10:42|| Front Page Top

#4 IF it is as it says hear it makes a little sense. Ok very little.

The idea seems to be that you make the noise before you see the bear. That means all the time, right?

Makes that quiet contemplative walk in the woods thing a bit impractical.

Posted by AlanC 2010-01-19 10:49|| 2010-01-19 10:49|| Front Page Top

#5 hear = here above. (never said I could type)

Posted by AlanC 2010-01-19 10:50|| 2010-01-19 10:50|| Front Page Top

#6 The programmer forgot "Dinner Bell".

Posted by ed 2010-01-19 10:53|| 2010-01-19 10:53|| Front Page Top

#7 Two hikers are out in the woods when a bear starts to charge.

As theyre running one stops, takes off his hiking boots and puts on his tennis shoes.

The other guy says What are you doing? We cant outrun that thing!

The other says Ive just got to outrun you.

Posted by gorb 2010-01-19 11:34|| 2010-01-19 11:34|| Front Page Top

#8 LOL, ed. I almost blew chuncks. I'm having lunch.

Posted by Deacon Blues 2010-01-19 12:05|| 2010-01-19 12:05|| Front Page Top

#9 AlanC et al,
Actually, this is a pretty damn good idea and will likely save some stinkin hippy's life some day soon. And Alan your question begs for laughter.
Are you a city boy or what? Go ahead and take your contemplative and quiet walk in bear country, and when you surprise mama with her cubs, they will be surprised that you are so stringy, when they are eating you. Bears will leave the area upon hearing people, and attacks are still rare, but surprising them, that's a recipe for death. But hey at least you had a nice quiet walk, ha ha!
You damn well better advertise that you are coming when you are walking in the woods in bear country. A can of rocks, a bell, singing,iPhone rings, whatever you do, you should never, ever walk quietly through the woods in bear country.
Even if you are strapped and even if you manage to make a kill shot on the bear during an attack, which isn't likely. It still will eat you because now you've pissed it off and it takes a bear a nice while to bleed out. more than a minute, and that's 45 seconds longer than that bear needs to run you down and rip your head clean off. There's an old joke in Alaska. When you ask what size pistol you need for fending off bears. An Alaskan will say, "anything will work, just make sure you file the front site off of your gun, so when you shove it in your mouth to blow your own brains out while the bear is eating you, it wont scrape your teeth." When shooting bear in an attack situations always leave one round for yourself.That's plan C for AlanC.

Posted by bearbait 2010-01-19 16:32|| 2010-01-19 16:32|| Front Page Top

#10 The programmer forgot "Dinner Bell".

I thought 'Bear Bell' was 'Dinner Bell'....

Posted by CrazyFool 2010-01-19 16:42|| 2010-01-19 16:42|| Front Page Top

#11 Press the icon, then throw the phone at Smokey. While he's busy chewing up the noisy thing, run like hell.

Posted by mojo 2010-01-19 16:46|| 2010-01-19 16:46|| Front Page Top

#12 bbait, sorry to disillusion you. No city boy here though my woodsy experience was seldom in bear country, a little in the Adirondaks and up Vermont way. There was a particular black bear that used to come around the sugar-bush but he/she stayed far enough away as to not be a bother.

My "question" is a) how loud a sound will your i-phone make, b) how long will the battery hold out, (could be a short walk) and c) can't you think of an easier, more pleasant way to make noise?

I was rather tickled by the thought of "city" types thinking it was what you used to scare off the bear after you saw it. Dinner bell indeed.

Posted by AlanC 2010-01-19 16:51|| 2010-01-19 16:51|| Front Page Top

#13 AlanC, that is hilarious. Indeed, some will sound a dinner bell and provide entertainment and light music for the bear eating them.

But if the bear ring tones are anywhere near as loud as the bastard's ring tone that interrupted me while at the movies recently then they will be plenty loud. Every bear in a 5 mile radius will hear them. Haha. They may however, become conditioned to the sound as one announcing dinner, and that is hilarious. Pavlov's bears.

A good friend of mine has a turkey call ring tone and while turkey hunting recently he got a call, and no shit the turkeys called back at him after hearing his ringtone. He made it ring a few more times and got the buggers closer and blamo. Turkey for dinner.

I have been thinking about recording a coyote call on my phone for similar occasions.

Imagine a ring tone that emitted a high pitch damaging decibal alert. Wonder if that might scare a bear off. Charge your battery before hiking girls.

Posted by bearbait 2010-01-19 17:17|| 2010-01-19 17:17|| Front Page Top

#14
In the Berkshire/Adirondack bears are prying lids off trash cans. Triple Bungee cording does not even do the trick all the time to keep the lids on. Not to mention Coyotes. And Foxes. Just ask my neighbors Beagle that almost got chomped.

Posted by GirlThursday 2010-01-19 17:24|| 2010-01-19 17:24|| Front Page Top

#15 I once saw a black bear rip a door and the t-tops off of a camaro to get to a cooler in the back seat. Bunjees are like floss for bear. The bear proof cans at yellowstone are essentially small 1/4 ton tanks chained to the ground and they still get batted around by hungry bears. But for some reason clanging pots and pans are harbingers of the apocalypse, or so the many bears I have run off with said cookware indicated, as they ran ass over ankles away from the clanging.

Posted by bearbait 2010-01-19 17:45|| 2010-01-19 17:45|| Front Page Top

#16 So...always walk through the woods wearing plate mail, and you should be fine?

Posted by Silentbrick 2010-01-19 17:51|| 2010-01-19 17:51|| Front Page Top

#17 Yep - saw a blackie in Yosemite once rip the door off a Rambler to get a bag lunch. The claws went in at the window-seam, a quick yank...

Posted by mojo 2010-01-19 17:57|| 2010-01-19 17:57|| Front Page Top

#18 Mojo, I've never had a door ripped off!

Posted by Rambler in Virginia 2010-01-19 18:30|| 2010-01-19 18:30|| Front Page Top

#19 Noise would be more likely to make a Grizzly angry. Incidently, Grizzlies - which I have seen in Alaska - are predominently herbivorous in the Summer. By October, your chances of being eaten in an encounter with one is: 100%.

Posted by Glaimble Dingle1916 2010-01-19 20:27|| 2010-01-19 20:27|| Front Page Top

#20 I saw a red fox once in my neighborhood... unless it was a grey fox -- hard to tell if the tail tip is not visible, or so I've heard. ;-)

Posted by trailing wife 2010-01-19 23:11|| 2010-01-19 23:11|| Front Page Top

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