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2005-05-31 Home Front: Culture Wars
Ward Churchill's Great Native Characters in US History (cont'd)
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Posted by thibaud (aka lex) 2005-05-31 01:13|| E-Mail|| Front Page|| [6464 views since 2007-05-07]  Top

#1 This one's called, It Takes a Village".

From - another winning Hunter S parody at the top of the day. Excerpt:

“Hitchens!” I exclaimed, drawing my QVC tanto and waving it before him in playful figure-eights, “What possible excuse can you give me for getting off this plane without your hollowed-out skull in my carry-on bag?” “I can think of one,” he said, reaching into his coat pocket. He took out a Baggie and dropped it on my lap.

Could it be? The color was right. I held it to my face and sniffed. Ah, yes. There was no mistaking that friendly, familiar aroma. “My God!”, I exclaimed, “What’s a puffy public-school pederast like you doing with a bag of fine Afghani hash?” “I’m returning from Kabul,” he said, “where I spent a few weeks talking to friendly warlords up by the Pakistan border. Real journalists do things like that. Anyway, they wouldn’t hear of me leaving without a little parting gift.”

“I think I may just let you live,” I muttered, putting down the tanto and pressing the button for the stewardess. By then Hitchens was busy vomiting gin and airline peanuts into a seat pocket. The stewardess steamed her way up the aisle and hove to by my armrest. My God, the size of the bitch. Old, too. Damn, I miss the Sixties.

“Sir,” she mooed, “I’ll have to ask you to give me that knife! I don’t know how you got on the plane with that, but carrying a knife on a commercial flight is a federal crime!”

“Everything is under control,” I told her, flashing my press credentials too fast for her to read, “I’m an Air Marshall. Special Agent Marcus Garvey, at your service. Don’t worry about the knife. We all carry them, for decapitating suspected Muslims and people who refuse to turn off their cell phones. Just treat me like a regular passenger and avoid calling attention to me, and I’ll see to it that we arrive safe and sound in LA, with no more bloodletting than is appropriate under the circumstances.”

“I see,” she said, “Is there anything you need me to do?” “Yes,” I told her, “I left part of my field kit in a whorehouse in Vero Beach, so I’ll need some supplies.” “I’ll do what I can, special agent,” she said, “what do you need?” “Just a few simple items,” I said, “seventy miniatures of your best liquor, all the lemons you have on the plane, ten cups of ice, and the morphine from the first aid kit. Don’t ask a lot of stupid civilian questions. You wouldn’t understand. You’re a fine woman and a great patriot. President Bush would be proud of you. Now trot your big ass back to the galley and get daddy what he needs so he doesn’t have to cut anyone.”
Posted by thibaud (aka lex) 2005-05-31 01:19||   2005-05-31 01:19|| Front Page Top

#2 Ward Churchill's Indian Art
Posted by badanov">badanov  2005-05-31 08:23||]">[]  2005-05-31 08:23|| Front Page Top

#3 huffingstoast is one of the funniest, freshest bits of ass-ripping satire I've seen lately. Arianna's such an idiot, she thinks the fact that toast gets more traffic is a compliment
Posted by Frank G">Frank G  2005-05-31 22:00||   2005-05-31 22:00|| Front Page Top

00:05 JosephMendiola
23:32 Cyber Sarge
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23:24 Rafael
23:07 Tony (UK)
23:03 SteveS
22:47 Phil Fraering
22:42 badanov
22:42 Phil Fraering
22:41 CrazyFool
22:25 Sheik Abu Bin Ali Al-Yahood
22:25 Frank G
22:21 Bomb-a-rama
22:20 CrazyFool
22:17 Dave D.
22:14 Barbara Skolaut
22:12 Elmereper Jomosing1480
22:02 Rex Mundi
22:01 eLarson
22:00 Frank G
22:00 Atomic Conspiracy
22:00 .com
21:56 Frank G
21:55 eLarson

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